how do i keep my hope alive?

[chatterbug]

Reading all that. I think coach summed it up on Page 8.

What is the "it"? What's the same conversation? This is what you 180. You change and the dynamic changes.


My thoughts. Even a blind man can tell when he is walking in the sun.
I find it interesting that your H deploys some very passive aggressive controlling techniques on you and you may not realize it. An example would be contacting you around when you were moving. All his actions to open up with you always happen when you are doing something for yourself. Just enough to keep you in the place where he wants you to be.
Same now with your trip... He builds up the contact. Just enough.
You have mentioned that you deploy control with anger. A very wise good friend described anger to me like it was holding a ball underwater. It eventually must surface.

Now my questions.

Did the anger and control feel like a ball underwater ?
What is the history of your H's previous relationships ?
Do you feel that your H is a narcissist ?
Is the 2 months when your back together like first 2 months you were together?
What drove you apart the last 3 times?
What drove you apart the first time ?
What have you noticed so far that works ? ( I can see it reading the whole stitch )
What have you noticed so far that does not work ?



Thats all my questions for now.

I am going to offer the advice that you do not see him before you leave. Nor contact him. Just leave. And do not contact him at all while your away. Throw yourself into your life. And when your away take some time to think about LRT. Think about how you are always reacting. You may think you are controlling but I think you are wrong here. I think it is the other way around.