Piano and Jstar... so sad to hear this happens more than it ever should. H agree to go to Co-Parenting counseling last week, i basically told him I have a really hard time being around him and cant figure out how I am supposed to let him in the baby's life. I can not forgive him for not wanting to go to marriage therapy with me to work on us. And I will always Hate him for this. Dont think I could ever forgive him for the pain he is putting me through. However, I am not about to change the person that i am, and i would never forgive myself for denying my son the chance of knowing his father. if he wants to screw up as a father than so be it, and if need be, i will protect my child as a mother, but he has to do this according to my terms... and not ones out of spite or anger.
H thinks we should remain "best friends" ; he seems very unaware of the severity of the situation. Some think he will not wake up until the baby is born. regardless, if he does or doesnt, I am preparing to be the best mommy, even if it is alone. H wants to be a hand on father, and i have to figure how to stand my ground on this and how to co-parent this little boy. and to cover things like, will I feel better or worse if he is in the delivery? when the baby comes home? how do we do this together? I have so many concerns and hope that a joint counselor will help. We each see psychologists separetly, and my shrink thinks it is huge that he does want to go. H mentioned to a mutual friend that he is happy we are going together to see counseling. i havent made the appointment yet, because this week, I am too angry with him. I am tired of crying and running things over my mind and trying to make sense of this all. I have not spoken to him for almost a week, as of right now, which is huge for me. Hope i can keep this up. It hurts, i still get really upset, but when we dont talk, there is no arguing or blank answers and i dont feel any worse.
one thing i do know is everytime I feel the baby move, or pickup a small onesie for him at a store, or even think of him, I feel happy, like I havent felt in 2 months. maybe they are little angels who come into our lives to get us through this awful situation we are in the middle of.
today was not a great day... hope it turns around for the best for all of us.
