2-- MOSTLY AGREE. My mind says "focus on you and the boys"... but then it does not. it disobeys me. But today something felt different. I really felt ok today. I took care of some business today... I didn't feel miserable. I felt ok by myself.
3-- I like 3... I will repeat those words in my head.
So I just got off the phone with her. We had a very nice talk. I was planning on coming up for the weekend but it really puts her in a bad place. me being in "her" house... in her space... she was talking about how uncomfortable it would be with me sleeping there (past experiences proved this). I agree. I'm actually tired of that scene (her house, the tension... all that). So I decided to give her a break this weekend. I told her I felt she probably needed a break from me... that we are like two charged magnets right now. I asked her how she felt about this. she agreed and seemed to think it would be good too. As much as I want to see my boys I also don't think carting them back and forth between states every weekend is all that fun for them either. I also feel like I need to study a bit-- and get on track with that as I have my oral boards coming up for CT surgery. I can't let this derail me from passing that. so I need to focus on that for me-- and them.
I didn't really do this to make any progress with her (at least short term). I really think for her mental health she needs a break from me. Then she said, "so then we will come down the following weekend?" and I said, "lets just see". nicely. but in a way that I wanted her to know that we should just see... no pressure... these are all 180s to some extent... but really its just for both of our mental health I think. wounds are raw and get ripped open every weekend. I need to continue to work on myself... and getting used to being on my own again. she took care of me for so many years while I trained. now I've got to do it myself... nobody else will.
I feel like this is a big step for me. That I feel like I might be ok here on my own for the weekend... that I am feeling ok by myself.
as for an honest look inside her mind...well... I'm just not sure she's giving me that. if she isn't she sure as hell is expending a whole hell of a lot of energy decieving the crap out of me...
can't argue with too much her and not enough b-- but the scales are lifting a little bit.
I'm working on getting my crap together bill. there's a lot of fallout though. but I will make it. I feel like I will today.
and I will take your word for it that it is not insignificant stuff (positive I think you mean, right?)... rather than some crazy attempt to keep me in the MLC's on deck batter's circle (patent pending on that term)
but WHY do you suppose... MLC is not a real psychological diagnosis?
I do not have a DSMIV here with me (the psychiatrist's book of psychiatric diagnoses)... so I don't know for sure...but I've read before that it is not.
so why not? all people are invited! Hearts blessing.. snodderly... cat, mach...bworl...and all others!
the skeptic in me just says that its just one take on the behavior one sees in almost all WASses... or not. don't know.
I'll throw a few thoughts at this, because I pondered this often myself back in the day...
MLC does not come in a "one size fits all" shape. If the experiences of this board are used, an MLC'er can be suffering from any number of psychological issues - i.e. depression, mood disorder, anxiety disorders, narcissism, depersonalization, panic disorders, etc.
Most of what I've read and heard shared relates a crisis at mid-life to a "coming to a head" of unresolved issues from much earlier in life. It seems that most of us have a point in our life where we become reflective about who and where we are in relation to how we thought we would be when we were younger. Many point to some trigger event that causes this normal reflection to go bad, in a manner of speaking.
Maybe it's the loss of a loved one or friend. Maybe it's the loss of a part of our life that was integral to who we perceived ourselves to be - a job or a role such as parent. Maybe it's a medical scare or a health issue o large significance.
I think this trigger event possibly pushes the MLC'er back to that old unresolved issue that once brought such discomfort or pain. That issue then becomes realized in the MLC'ers current life which they have been in the process of analyzing. Suddenly all the lows seem lower, the positives seem diminished, and hope for a better future seems bleak.
In an effort to keep the present from becoming the past, the MLC'er seeks release from this sense of emptiness, failure, and hopelessness. Every part of their life becomes a potential cause for their distress. And this is the point at which I believe their unique symptoms become manifest.
I don't think MLC is a diagnosis because it's different for all, because all are different. The issues from the past (if any) are different. The triggers are different. And the manifestation of their attempts for release are differetn.
Sorry if this seems overblown. These are just my thoughts.
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
my wife's dad, as I think I said before-- was away a lot. she felt that her love was somewhat conditional growing up-- be a good girl... all that. be the pretty girl you are. she never wanted to rock the boat...
when I finished my training-- we had the dream job, dream house, dream city-- everything we had been working towards for 10 years-- and I think she panicked and ran
for sure-- she ain't right in the head. I wonder sometimes about bipolar... something bigger...but I don't know. she is seeing a therapist... but sometime I think the therapist is only making her worse.. at least for now.
No doubt there are some quack therapists. I've heard cases where they have convinced patients they were abused as children when in fact there was no abuse.
The therapists is probably making it worse, but that is a good thing. Think of it like a sliver you leave in. It hurts, so you don't want to deal with it. Then skin grows over it and you forget about it for awhile. Then it gets infected or you notice it...now it has to come out. Well this time it hurts even more than before....eventually it comes out and you heal.
