Cbug - Normally I agree with you - and I've hesitated to say anything about OTM in general. Better to just ignore in general. I've just reached the end of my rope with that particular advice. I DO think there is bad advice and after a while it needs to be addressed. I think normally here anything bad adjusts as people experience the DB world and everything improves. I wouldn't have said anything if that was the case. I don't know if OTM has his heart in the right place - truthfully - I just don't think the advice is coming from a good place at all. Hence the call - everyone who helps will really be helping TTA and OTM. I'm hoping he will start to see that there is a process that works with DB and I sincerely hope he starts to implement the advice and solves his own situation. I think it would be wonderful for all of us to help him get to that point!!
The post is out of concern and love for both of them - WE ALL need support and advice that works!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
TTA - Anytime! I want to see you succeed and you are making GREAT strides. This forum is a life saver for most of us and I want to do my part to help with that!! OH - And its my thread so I'll post what I want
I'm here for ya girl!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
UN-POSTED EDIT OF LAST POST - THIS IS WHAT SHOULD HAVE POSTED...
Cbug - Normally I agree with you and you know how much I respect you - and I've hesitated to say anything about OTM in general. I agree with you that most on here who give mis-guided advice tend to do it out of inexperience - that resolves on its own with time. I wouldn't have said anything if that was the case. I have no way of knowing if people's hearts are in the right place - I usually would like to assume it is. I just want to be sure that TTA gets the support she needs based on her communicated desire to DB - Hence the call - everyone who helps will really be helping TTA and OTM. I'm hoping he will start to see that there is a process that works with DB and I sincerely hope he starts to implement the advice and solves his own situation. I think it would be wonderful for all of us to help him get to that point!!
I know this might seem extreme but I feel its the right thing. Other people spend alot of time lurking/reading on these threads looking for help before they get the courage to post/ask for help. Seeing the LARGE amount of mis-guided advice and the lack of other posts to help balance it out means there might be people getting the wrong idea. My hope is that through this post others will add balance to TTA's thread and readers will have enough to draw their own perspective.
There are lots of different perspectives on this board and I think that breeds good advice in general. I welcome that part of this process. I think its the best thing about the forum. I hope to help OTM as much as anyone else with this.
The post is out of concern and love for both of them - WE ALL need support and advice that works!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
Tal, you know I completely agree with you and support you in what you wrote. I'm frustrated with the bad advice but I simply can't be bothered with him anymore.
It's too bad that TTA is only regularly getting advice from you two. But if she feels like she needs more pov's then she needs to ask other people. If she's fine with just you two then that's her choice.
Personally I'm getting so frustrated with all the bad advice from newbies being thrown around that I'm seriously thinking about leaving Newcomers altogether. I have enough frustration with BF, I don't need more!
It's too bad that there aren't more veteran posters who are success stories around. The handful who are here give great advice and are much sought after. But I totally understand why people leave because it takes a LOT of patience to handhold the newbies. And patience has always been a problem for me.
But you're my girl, tal, and you know I'll stick with you as long as you want me around!
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
