Lost, Because you are on an emotional rollercoaster, nothing makes sense and whenyou settle down from it, you become a bit lost....it's normal.
You have to remember that you are dealing w/an emotionally fragile individual who never had any self worth. You have to try to stroke them the best way you know how...thanking them, telling them you appreciate whatever good deed they've done. Heck, he might do back flips if you thank him for taking out the trash.
Try some of the suggestiions and see if his attitude changes any.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Recently my H has started doing a lot more "praiseworthy" things and I have been sure to thank him every time. I keep it simple and short, just a "thanks for watching the kids" or "I appreciate that you helped S with his homework." I sent him an email one day thanking him for cleaning the snow off my car one morning before he left for work (once the shock wore off:)) and he did it again a couple of days later!
It sounds so . . I don't know . . . but it seems like he has been responding. I rarely get much more than a grunt for my words:) but he keeps doing nice, normal, human things and so maybe the words are having an effect. Who knows.
Continue to back way off and let him be. Let him make his own decisions, for better or worse.
Do some 180's - what have you not validated him on in the past? Validate them now.
Also, try to really listen to what he is feeling and needing under all the blather - it's not so much what you say, but if you can truly try to see things from his perspective, and continue to ask "Tell me more about that ..." kind of questions that open him up to do his own talking, he may calm down a bit.
