The situation you are in is extremly confusing, and I can understand you not knowing where to begin to tell this history.
Your life, it looks like, has been a series of roller coaster rides throughout the whole time you've been married to him. I'm surprised you haven't thrown up yet...and that's not in a literal sense.
This looks like MLC, but it also, on his part, looks like a pattern of broken relationships throughout his own life. What he's done is NOT your fault, it's his, and he has to deal with that part.
Unfortunately, you've somehow gotten caught in all his fallout, if that makes sense. Yet, it's put the proverbial ball in YOUR court. Yes, YOUR COURT; but you don't see that yet. I promise you will as time goes on.
((((((Round2))))))))))
It's like BND just said...BREATHE, calm down, get prepared for a journey of a lifetime; the one within YOU that will take you to a place where you will learn to not just survive, but grow and change. It will involve looking deep within, and it will not be a cakewalk; it will be painful, full of fear and doubt. But you will overcome these things to go on and become what God meant for you to be, a stronger, better person than you were BEFORE this happened.
When your husband ripped your lives apart, he not only put you on the path toward change, he's given you an opportunity to learn MORE about YOU.
Regardless of what he's done/not done...as time goes on, and your journey begins in earnest, you'll find you are the ONLY one who can control what happens with YOU. Your MLC'er/WAS is twisting in the wind for now..and you cannot help him. You can pray for him, but that will be all you can do for the time being.
In order to begin to deal, you MUST detach and distance from his drama; doesn't mean that you don't love him, but it does mean that you have to get to a place where you are not affected by his drama. This will clear your mind so you will begin to understand what you must do within YOU..and make more clearer decisions.
There are NO guarantees that your marriage will come back together; in fact NO guarantees when it comes to life in general. And though God hates divorce, He is loving toward the Left Behind Spouses who've been wronged, abandoned and otherwise abused. This trial will bring you closer to Him, if you will allow it to; and if you stay open to Him, help is always there through His strength and His comfort. He truly does take care of His own.
I have BEEN THERE, walked this path, and I did not understand many things, but the Lord was always there, sending people, providing instruction for me. I just had to stay open to it and Him. He has endured the SAME things we have endured, and knows just how we feel. This and many other trials are for OUR growing, building our strength, our faith, and our endurance. He took care of me even when things were SO hard, and I cried SO much; and I didn't understand..but still, He took care of me, helping me to learn what was needed for my growing; and it was HARD. But, on His strength, I came through, and learned much.
This is VERY early days for you; you're hurting, confused, don't know where to turn, and I know and understand that you don't exactly want to hear this, but there will be no quick way of resolving this; his MLC could take months or even years to resolve, and even then, IF he comes out, the result may not be what you would want; as this CHANGES people; some for better, some get stuck within, some make some very serious mistakes.
That's why it's important to get the focus OFF him, and begin to put it on YOU, taking care of yourself.
Also, remember NONE of what your husband had done or will do has ANYTHING to do with you; you didn't cause it, you didn't "twist his arm" and "make" him do what he's doing..it's HIM; it's ALL him.
Each person here has had personal experience with this monster we call MLC; keep an open mind to all that is contributed.
The answers such as they are, mostly lie within YOU; and I believe they will be accessed over time and through the questions you ask.
I will be the first one to say I don't have all the answers, no one does. If I had all the answers, NO ONE would have to go through this stuff.
Unfortunately, it's been shown to me before; when I had to deal, that everyone has to deal in one form or another.
I realize that's also something you don't want to hear, either, and I totally understand...but it's happened, you're in, and so you learn to deal...and it begins with the journey that's spoken of on so many different threads here; the journey toward wholeness, and it begins with YOU.
I will pray; God knows the need and He knows the heart of all people.
I sincerely hope this helps you thus far.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
