No question there... no need to respond so ignore it.
Which I see you have done. And now he's called you 3 times and texted you....
It's good that he has YOU on his mind and not OW.
EDIT: To clarify: Even trying to "explain" things to you means that his is thinking about you and what he stands to lose. This is good. Keep doing what is working...
Last edited by Gnosis; 03/04/1008:02 PM.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
mb28, guess what... your affair busting is working.. keep it up
It HURTS LIKE HELL doens't it?
It's ok... its just emotional growth... its your love for your husband pushing through to the surface again.. it hurts, but you will feel love for him like you never did before believe me.
Ignore his texts.
Put your ring on.
Keep doing what you're doing... keep u pthe mantra.. I want my marriage and my family.
Keep holding firm, no arguing, no crying, no pursuing.... its bringing him back... he WANTS to BAIT you into a fight so HE can file... dont' let him trick you.. its a Trap... ok?
Fake it until it feels good.. that's what we all do, it takes several weeks of it, but it eventually isnt' fake anymore.
Ignore all his texts... just keep going about your business.. get giong on that family therapist... don't wait til he ASKS you for an appointment with a good one to start looking, look now so no time is wasted later...
When he wants to see a FT finally... you will need to have one ready on hand to get him in there... do a few sessions on your own first to make sure you are sending him to a good FT...
Keep holding firm, no arguing, no crying, no pursuing.... its bringing him back... he WANTS to BAIT you into a fight so HE can file... dont' let him trick you.. its a Trap... ok?
[...]
Ignore all his texts... just keep going about your business.. get giong on that family therapist... don't wait til he ASKS you for an appointment with a good one to start looking, look now so no time is wasted later...
When he wants to see a FT finally... you will need to have one ready on hand to get him in there... do a few sessions on your own first to make sure you are sending him to a good FT...
I totally agree
Call MWD's office to ask for a referral to someone in your area if you haven't already.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
I only responded to the email with "I want our marriage to work, and believe that it can". I never got a response from him. However, I did see him last night for about 10 min and of course he looked depressed and I acted like I didn't notice and went about my business of getting ready for bed when I got home. He finally asked me what was wrong. I said nothing why? He looked at me funny like he was testing my reaction. Then out of know where (this caught me totally of guard) he hugged me right before he left.
For my sitch, I think the positives I'm getting from my H is mainly from me holding my emotions at bay, and not allowing R talk. It's not neccasarilly going dark for me, it's just changing my attitude (upbeat). I guess it's more like detaching with love. And what's helped these last few days, is to keep telling myself NOT to expect anything from him.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
you have him thinking mb28 and that is good!! He is having to deal with himself and that is where he needs to be!! Keep it up. I am going to have to detach harder...I haven't cried but I think I have pursued a bit in the last two days. With all the FT talk and apartment talk..
Keep it up and don't loose ground...its hard to get back :-)
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
However, if your husband asks you "what's wrong".. I would NOT say "nothing".. CLEARLY you have told him our issue
You may do better with
"You know what's wrong... unless you are prepared to do something about her, I am not talking about marriage with you"
I may have to work on it, but I really don't reccomend abandoned spouses tell their WS they are fine, or OK, or that nothing's wrong...
I think it is VERY imoprtant that the WS ALWAYS be constantly remindd that they are HURTING their spouse to keep the guilt in the air and on their mind...
YOu played it well though, you have the idea... "loving detachment" is an excellent way to describe it... much like how you handle an unruly child... loving detachment
Its not even what you are DOING its what you are NOT doing, you are NOT attacking him, you are NOT arguing with him...
I told someone this a long time ago, but I think there's a lot of weight to it...
"You don't have to be a great lover to keep a marriage alive, you just need to AVOID making the mistakes of the the lousy ones"
Now, this sounds a bit lazy I know... But the point is, you don't need to be perfect all the time.. what is MORE important is to avoid HURTING your spouse..
You do NOT need to be a marital olympian on a daily basis, just don't do anything hurtful and you will be loved in return.
I think this is what YOU are diong righ tnow, you are NOT doing anything harmful...
You are NOT enabling the affair anymore, that's a HUGE plus as well, but you are NOT attacking him, you are NOT arguing with him, he has NO ammunition to use to justify giong to the OW, you are leaving him with nothing so he can't act on it.. and it is confusing the heck out o fhim...
He is NOT expecting this... so you have him off guard.. keep him there... its a good place for him to be
Thank you for the support. I've been doing really well since Monday, and I know it will get easier. But every day is a struggle to want to ask where he went last night and who he was with, etc. But me not asking him any of these since Monday has made a huge difference. Allen, I will tell him next time he asks me "whats wrong" what is really wrong.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
