You have children, and you DID make a commitment to them and your marriage. Just becuase it hurts right now and that you feel like you might want out is NOT a reason to LEAVE anymore than it is a reason to cheat.
Cheating is just another form of walking out...
I can't tell you STAY and give it the ole college try, but ... From my reading here you have enough invested in this that i WOULD take a larger look at things.
I will make some points here :
1. Ignore what your wife is telling you.
2. Your wife is goign to say EVERYTHING she can to HURT you right now... she's miserable and acting out
3. Sexual affairs are ADDICTIONS... your wife is addicted right now and likley experiencing some withdrawal if she hasn't actually contacted him.
4. KEEP in CLOSE contact with OMW. Talk to her EVERY DAY.... she is a HUGE ally here and you do NOT want to gt on her bad side... SHARE INTEL with her EVERY DAY. If your wife went out, tell OMW what time she left and what time she came back... exchange info.. you can keep tabs on your spouses this way
5. Put your ring back on... if YOU do'nt know if you want out, you need to keep the ring on... just because your wife is hurting you is NOT a reason to remove that... its just giving her LICENSE to CHEAT... if she sees no ring on your finger, she figures she has no obligation to maintain commitment to you sexually.
6. YOu need to send ONE SOLID message ot your wife, right now you are al over hte place
a. you took your ring off b. you told your wife you want your marrriage c. you crushed her affair d. you cleaned up after her for months e. you threw every name you could think of at her
Dude, right now she has NO IDEA where you are at and that is why SHE is so messed up...
When YOU set a SOLID CLEAR example of COMMITMENT, she will start following your LEAD
My advice is to set an example of commitment, start seeing a family therapist (even alone is fine, it shows her commitment on your part), even if you don't want to rebuild, you have explored what it means and at least KNOW...
Its ok if you wife wants out, but she needs to EARN her way out and she needs to leave through teh FRONT door like an ADULT, not through the back door like a wreckless child throwing a tantrum
