You make great points. I completely agree with every thing you say. Yes it was 9 years of me not being the man that she wanted or needed... and only 7 months of me trying to change-- and yes I do not think I have changed much.. but I do feel a change coming on.
I see her pain... an I understand that it will take a long time for her to get over it... if ever.
HOWEVER!
another man left his wife for her (I'm about 99% sure-- details of the split are not exactly clear-- but happpened around the same time as mine)... moved into a house right near her (100% sure about that--yes it is near his wife's house and his kids too). she left me and moved away to another town-- to be with this man. these are major moves... major things. the circumstances are not exactly... apples to apples. I will be moving to this town. perhaps none of this means anything in the grand scheme of me changing and her being confused. but it does weigh on my mind. and it does make me feel like I am up against a lot.
Jack I hear you buddy. I think she is very confused. But about what, I'm not sure. so I guess if we can just leave it at "confusion" is good.. then fine. ok!
I really, today, feel like I can be ok on my own... first time I've felt this way. I don't know long it will last.. but I am tired I suppose. but I feel pretty good today.
I have not given up. Please do not get me wrong. But I am visualizing a life without her, a life where I am trying to be the best dad I can be.
