Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.
she has stated she felt you had abandoned her for how long?
sheeeeeeeesh buddy...2 months...really
in our house we call that being stressed
maybe you need to think about faith too what is faith to you do you have faith faith in the woman you married even though she is showing you a different side than what you want to see faith that you can man up and show her what she needs to see?
faith is:(some of my favorite faith quotes)
I would rather err on the side of faith than on the side of doubt. - Robert Schuller
Faith is a bird that feels dawn breaking and sings while it is still dark. - Rabindranath Tagore
All I have seen teaches me to trust the Creator for all I have not seen. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Lord will either calm your storm . . . or allow it to rage while He calms you.
It is such comfort to drop the tangles of life into God's hands and leave them there.
Those who have faith need no explanation, for those who have no faith, no explanation is possible.
There are only two ways to live . . . one is as though nothing is a miracle. . . the other is as if everything is. - Albert Einstein
she gave you nine years and for nine years you SHOWED her some things
now...
she had 9 years to be shown something
you expect her to change her mind after having it proven to her for 9 years in 2 months or 7 months????
If for 9 years, every day someone told you that your name was Bradley, they called you Bradley, they wrote you letters addressed to Bradley, they whispered Bradley and yelled Bradley and you responded everytimes and then that same person changed their mind and told you they had changed their mind and would now call you Bill(sometimes they slipped up and called you Bradley still every now and then though)...would you respond everytime when they called you Bill or would you be waiting for them to call you Bradley again?
For 9 years you told your wife she was alone and you were more important, your wants and needs were more important
you have been trying to show her that you changed sometimes you make mistakes and slip up and it goes back to the way it was sometimes she can see the change you made
but.... it has only been 7 months since you have been trying, right???
you haven't even had time to make these changes stick for YOU how do you expect her to believe them?
You make great points. I completely agree with every thing you say. Yes it was 9 years of me not being the man that she wanted or needed... and only 7 months of me trying to change-- and yes I do not think I have changed much.. but I do feel a change coming on.
I see her pain... an I understand that it will take a long time for her to get over it... if ever.
HOWEVER!
another man left his wife for her (I'm about 99% sure-- details of the split are not exactly clear-- but happpened around the same time as mine)... moved into a house right near her (100% sure about that--yes it is near his wife's house and his kids too). she left me and moved away to another town-- to be with this man. these are major moves... major things. the circumstances are not exactly... apples to apples. I will be moving to this town. perhaps none of this means anything in the grand scheme of me changing and her being confused. but it does weigh on my mind. and it does make me feel like I am up against a lot.
Jack I hear you buddy. I think she is very confused. But about what, I'm not sure. so I guess if we can just leave it at "confusion" is good.. then fine. ok!
I really, today, feel like I can be ok on my own... first time I've felt this way. I don't know long it will last.. but I am tired I suppose. but I feel pretty good today.
I have not given up. Please do not get me wrong. But I am visualizing a life without her, a life where I am trying to be the best dad I can be.
Time is different here, and you've got to make the switch. You have crossed over to the MLC/WAS time zone and it does not work like the time zone YOU are living in.
I don't get how you start a post with "she has no interest in being my friend or my wife," and then almost immediately segue into "she doesn't want a divorce."
My Dad used to say that someone who is bouncing around like you are is acting like "a fart in the wind." And I think my friend that you are in this bouncing mode for a couple reasons...
1. Your focus is still mostly on her. You are still waiting for signs from her that she is either coming around or fading away for good. Which means that...
2. Your focus is NOT on you (and your boys). We've tried to explain that you have to let go of this marriage relationship and concentrate your efforts on the only thing you can change directly - you and your relationship with your boys.
3. Unless you've got a line of descendancy from Nostradamus or something, you HAVE to stop predicting either the future or what your wife is thinking/doing. One of the really good pieces of advice I got here long ago was that we ALWAYS - repeat ALWAYS - imagine things to be WAY worse than they actually are. That includes what they're doing, how much they're enjoying it, how much more they desire it than us, etc, etc, etc.
Your wife is not teasing you.
You should be glad as hell that you've come far enough in this mess that she's actually able and willing to try to articulate what she's thinking with you. Most of our spouses spent their time spewing nasty stuff at us and rarely gave us an honest look into what was going on in their mind.
You wouldn't be so bothered by her good days/bad days if you were just concentrating on being the best man in her life and the greatest father around. If what you were worrying about was how to make your new home great, what freakishly amazing things you and the boys can do together soon, what opportunities you were GAINING (instead of losing) with the move you are making....I think you get my drift.
Bottom line from me...
Too much HER and not enough BRADLEY.
She's not going to float your boat right now, and probably not for some time to come.
But if you can get your crap together a little better, she's shown that she's willing to make your interactions positive, and she's shown that she cares what you think.
That is NOT insignificant stuff.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I do not want Bworl's post to get lost in this. Trying not to step on it.
You ask what she is confused about.
You cannot possibly see what could be confusing to her.
You're right, you don't know. And you should be thankful for that.
You have a logical, ordered and structured mind. Be grateful.
She if she is in MLC, is questioning EVERYTHING in her life. EVERYTHING. Nothing is ordered any more, all is chaos all her choices all her decisions, everything is suspect.
My wife broke down when she tried to explain the confusion that was in her head. The confusion was so bad it hurt her.
So, you're right, you don't know. I don't know either, and I'm f-ing glad of it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
