No longer "stuck808". Now my name is Bond. "MrBond

[MrBond]

So last night I brought up a R talk with my W when I called to say goodnight to my Ds.

Earlier in the morning she told me that she felt that when we talked she felt like her opinion didn't matter. I asked her to clarify. Basically this is the first real issue I've ever heard her bring up about why she might have left.

She said sometimes I didn't listen to her when she repeated things. I asked for her to give me an example, so she mentioned that she wanted to cancel the newspaper but I didn't want to. It seemed like a non-issue (compared with a crazy OM) but at least it was something.

I went into how I understand how it might have seemed I wasn't listening to her, but I didn't realize how much it bugged her. So I validated. I don't remember how we got onto the subject, but the OM was brought up and I asked if she thought he had anything to do with our sitch. She said no and that she was unhappy before that, etc. I asked her why she didn't tell me and she said she didn't know (I think from lack of coping). I told her she could have always talked to me about her happiness.

One thing I did make a point of telling her, was that her thing with the OM was a very big issue and that I understood that she might feel uncomfortable talking about it, but because of what he's been doing, we needed to. She told me there were alot of subjects that made her uncomfortable and I told her that was okay, but this was a big one because it affected me directly. Evidently she didn't tell anyone else about what happened to me, not even her sister and mom.

I told her that we've been through so much that we could always talk about things.

So in the end, I told her that I would like to work on our communication so that we could start rebuilding our friendship. She said 'okay' and actually asked me things about my day.

Hopefully this is a good sign. For me I think this is a 180. I didn't harp about the OM per se, but wanted her to slowly peek out of her shell.

I just have to find some way to keep the momentum going.