Marriage Downgraded to Good Friends on 2/5/10

[faithisbelieving]

Mike...I've been where you are. Straddling the fence is a bad place to be. Making a decision and staying with it is important.

Thoughts:

1) Yes...once a woman moves out and you separate, the majority will go on to divorce

2) Telling you she wants to be free yet, not wanting a divorce is not depression, confusion, etc. She, as mentioned above, wants time to find an out before cutting the cord. YOU..are the trapeze net to fall back into

3) We all agree (I believe), that it is NOT acceptable to live under the same roof while a third person is involved

It is still early in your sitch. I DO believe that as long as they are NOT involved with another person, there is time to work this but..it is done by detaching, grieving it and moving forward.

Mike...fear is a powerful tool. Many of us will use denial, rationalization and the powerful phrase of 'hope for reconciliation' to keep us languishing when our WAS has moved on and is not coming back. What is a marriage Mike? Read Gray's book. He has an EXCELLENT section in his book on exactly what happens here in this forum re: hanging on to reconcile. Read on his input on this re: denial and what REALLY needs to be done before a marriage can be saved.

Yesterday, my attorney asked me why I wanted to save my marriage in the beginning. I had to think for a bit, since, it has been so long and I am at the ending point now. My response to her, was, as many here, "for the sake of the children." Her response was, it is FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN that you shouldn't stay in a toxic broken relationship." As bworl said, it is YOUR choice. Deciding is what will ease some of your pain. Once you decide what you want to do, the burden will be lighter. Hanging on the fence....will destroy your spirit.

Blessings.

FIB