Wife in love with another man, I need help

[Jonpen]

I have set the boundry and fully let her know that I do not want her being with him or any other man. How else could I let her know that I am not open to this? She never talks about him in front of me, and everytime I find out they are talking I contact his wife and it usually puts a stop to it for awhile.
For 2 months I had TOTALLY been kissing her butt. I was doing EVERYTHING for her and everytime she mentioned D I would say "I don't want a divorce I want to save our marriage" so she was telling everyone I was in denial.

Now that I have taken my ring off, been going out with friends, ignoring her and moving on with my life I think she gets the point that I accept that it's over. I don't exactly want it to be over, but I'm not going to kill myself by wondering what she is doing 24/7 then getting CRUSHED everytime I find out they are talking again, or she is telling her friends she wants divorce etc...

So should I talk to her about all of this, and say "I am moving on with my life and I'm not going to continue living like this. I am not up for commiting adultery or sharing you with anyone, thats why we need to either get this D or work on our marriage not the in between we are living now. So either you go file like you have been saying for the passed 2.5 months or I will, or we can both agree to work on our marriage" OR should I just keep living my life like I am now and not mention anything and just let her come to me?

I am in a bad situation. like I said she is the only one working and I got to school full time. we live in her aunt's house, so D = I lose all my insurance, my gas and food money, I will be the one forced to move out, I will only see my kids half as much as I do now, and the list goes on.....

If I can bare it, I'm better off staying in the house with her because, I see my kids everyday, I have gas, food, etc... money, I have all my insurances.... This is one of the reasons I haven't filed. I would also like to save my marriage if I ever thought she could be the same person I fell in love with again.
I really just don't know what to do anymore, thats why I came here
How can I further establish the boundry of not sharing her and not having an open marriage without it being like I'm telling her what to do?