My H and I have been married for almost 9 years. We are soul mates, well at least I thought I was his? We are best friends and have always done everything together. We have a lot in common and have a lot of fun.
He has been married twice before. First marriage was when he was 23 and lasted 1 year, a son came from that one. He is now 19. His second marriage lasted 2 years, he was with her for 7 years. I was pretty much right behind her.
H happened to be a best friend of my step sisters and they worked together, he had seen a picture of me never knowing she even had a sister and when he saw it he told her " I am going to marry her someday" and that was it.....
I met him by chance at her birthday party, he was nothing of what I ever dated, etc...but I felt ill.... I was so drawn to him as he was me.... it was there and then that I knew the man I had prayed for had finally landed in my life.
I had never been married, just had many horrible relationships (as most of us have had).
I am sure many dont believe in soul mates, but I do and have lived my life with mine for the past nine years with him and poof...he is GONE....
He has never had a relationship with his Father. He was an alcoholic and has been sober for years but he still never spoke to him. His mother is an alcoholic and he couldnt stand her for the entire time we were married, she has never even met our children, D7, S5 and now all of a sudden, he has a Great relationship with her? This is after he abandoned us in Dec and moved out, furnished an apartment for himself and filed for divorce.
We had an amazing Thanksgiving together etc, and in 3 days he says I dont love you anymore, I dont know if I ever did. I want a divorce. I dont want to try counseling, I just dont have it in me anymore to want it. I want us to be best friends though. ? WHAT!
He said I am sorry I have been 'faking it' telling you how wonderful you are and how in love I am with you, I was lying. I dont feel that way and I cant fake it anymore, its not fair to you. You deserve to be loved by someone who really loves you and I dont... :o(
OMG..... I am still in a state of shock at his words. SOme history, he used Opiates the first 6 years we were married and hid it. I finally found out and he said he used them to 'deal with me' nice! I was his reason. He said his trigger. He left went to rehab and detox and while away then, he all of a sudden didnt love me anymore and he was divorcing me. He was gone two months that time. He had moved in with another woman, told her he loved her etc., said he was trying so hard to hate me but he just couldnt and so he came home asking me to forgive him and told me he genuinely loved me... that was 14 months ago and he is GONE, and has since filed for divorce. He stayed sober, doesnt drink or use pills anymore. He changed, stopped wanting to go to Church with the family. His astranged son that is 19 and that he had not seen in 7 yrs came to live with us and although it was good, it took the focus off our marriage and caused him a great deal of guilt and stress, trying to manage the little ones time, his older sons time, my time, his job ( which is a huge stresser for him ) him staying sober and not using to "deal" with it all.... well I just dont know.
So, he moved out and took his 19 year old with him. One month later his son left him and moved back home. This mad my H very angry and hurt, he basically wrote him out of his life yet again and said he is done with him, just like he has his entire family, ie. Mom, Dad, half sisters, half brother, now his own 19 year old...
Since living on his own, his personal life is more important that his little ones and whats really hard is to see that as he was the worlds greatest Daddy, I mean non stop fun, so involved, his kids were his world? What happened.... now he breaks promises, etc, breaks my D7 heart, she is so confused etc...as am I.
In reading and learning all I have from these boards, I understand what has happened... but I just dont know how to deal. I am standing for my marriage. I am Christian and I love my husband. I believe in Marriage and my vows I took, I meant.
I am struggling everyday to just live according to Gods Will and not my circumstances. Wondering is he MLC or WASpouse? He has NEVER dealt with all his baggage, ie., unforgiveness, bitterness, shame, guilt, etc...so I wonder is he on his Journey? I dont know. He blames me for it all. But in the next breath can say I am an amazing woman and mother, he is so proud of me and how much I have grown.. as I am burried in every book I could buy ( I read most in a day) I am on many boards, this one, midlifewives.com, marriagerejoiceministries, etc... lots of good info and so very sad at how MANY of us there are. I know this isnt about Me, its about HIM... but knowing he will be with another woman soon, even if its not already, I know he needs to GO THERE to experience it to see if it will fill his void that he thinks a NEW woman will fill.
I only ever saw us growing old together, getting healthy together, rearing our children in a Christ centered home, etc...
My D7 prays everynight for her Daddy's heart...that God will give him a light and direct him home someday....
Sorry so long, Thanks for listening. God Bless you all.
