W came over last night so that I could sign the title for her old car (Toyota Sienna Minivan) because she bought a 2009 Mini Cooper Clubman S with 6700 miles on it. Is this a MLC car or just something that says I am tired of having a minivan the last 20+ years or a little of both?
I stayed 4Cs and she brought up the fact that she had a meltdown that morning in the kitchen of her apartment. She basically said that she sat on the floor and cried on and off for an hour. She thought that she could do this and said that now that she is no longer living in the house she has "lost her job" which was taking care of the house and there was always something to do around the house. I think in the one bedroom apartment she has done all she can do and now she has a lot of "free" time to think about what is happening.
She mentioned that she might look into IC and I asked if she was thinking of seeing our counselor who she has met with a few times but she wasn't sure. I didn't say anything else.
I took both of these things as good signs but I know that she will need to follow through because actions are what counts and not words. She also brought up the fact that she had been shopping for a desk and that the one that she found would go great in our house because it would match everything. I didn't say anything stupid like "you can move back anytime", I just let her talk.
Baby steps!!!
After showing me her new car, I said goodbye and she was getting ready to get in the car but came back toward me in the door. I said, "what's wrong?" and she said that she just wanted a hug and then she gave me one but I didn't initiate anything. She then went back to the car and we talked some more about the kids and I told her how our youngest hung up on me the other night and then I started to cry while I was telling her the story (probably not a very good move). She came over and gave me another hug and said that now that the kids know they have my unconditional love that they will do things like this. This daughter had an awful relationship with my W the last 4 years so W knows what she is talking about.
She then left and later sent me a text telling me that "I'm really sorry that D hurt you" and I texted back to her "Thanks! That means a lot but the good part is that I now have a heart that can feel and express that pain and love thanks to you! A year ago I would have been angry with her before and even more angry after she hung up. Now I feel sadness and remorse and I wouldn't change it for the world! I really don't like that old me." and then I sent her another one that said "I'm also very sorry for ALL the times that she hurt you!" and my W responded with "Thanks for that. Good night, Ken". I know I probably said some things I shouldn't have and probably looked weak so you will have to point that out to me so I don't do it again. 2x4's please!
Going to see the mediator tomorrow to sign papers and hopefully get the financial stuff taken care of and then the FIL and GF arrive to stay with me at the house for possibly a week. I may need help on what to say and not to say to them as well while they are here. They don't know a lot about what is going on or why it is going on but the W is very mad at FIL for saying things like "I'm not taking sides" because she feels that he should be taking her side regardless. The reason they don't know a lot about whay and wy is because W hasn't been very forth coming with anyone about explaining how she feels or what is going on. She just wants there unconditional support.
Going to stay as Dark as I can. Any advice here with the FIL and GF in town?
Pray for us!
Ken
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
