I'll try to make this as brief as possible. I thought I had a wonderful marriage. Looking back there were times that I was not emotionally there, partied too much, and we stopped really communicating about problems years ago. W suggested counseling several times, but I thought that our love was enough. Fast forward to late January. She drops the bomb, there's another man. They haven't had sex, but she has feelings for him and is torn as whether to leave me.
I almost walked out that night, but the next day decided I didn't want to lose the most important person in the world to me. Wrote her a letter and left for work. Came home and we decided to go to counseling. It didn't work, and was more "divorce counseling" than marriage counseling, trying to make us both more comfortable to walk away.
Found out through bank account and cell phone bill that she was still seeing him. I stalked her, smothered her, cried, begged, etc. I did everything wrong. All she needed was space, and I pushed her away. Instead of a jealous husband she needed a strong friend she could lean on, which in this case was the other slimeball.
Last Friday she left. She moved out and is looking for apartments. The other man is married with kids, and hasn't even told his wife yet, the coward. I'm glad I never called her, or he'd be out on the street and fair game.
We had dinner last night to discuss the mortgage, utilities, dogs, etc. (we have no children). I told her I was worried about her making rash decisions and trying to change her entire life in a month, after being unhappy for years (I didn't know!) I've truly changed my life. I've cut down on drinking, haven't stayed out late (except the night after she left), quit smoking, lost weight, etc. Too little too late. Left it as we're going to stay friends, and I tried to plant the seed that the other guy is not all he seems.
She agreed to not get divorced, but try staying separated for a while. I don't know how much she's seeing the other man, but I assume they're together. She did invite me out to two events we had planned for later this month with friends, so she still wants to see me, if as a friend.
I desperately want her back. We've been together for 12 years, married for 7. It's never been a perfect relationship, but she's my best friend and I love her with all my heart. Right now just trying to stay positive, confident, funny, and get in better shape to be more physically attractive to her. Tried to let her know last night that no matter what we'd always be friends, and that WHEN he hurt her I'd be there.
Today I'm thinking I'll give her a blackout period. Not initiate any calls, texts, e-mails, etc. Just give her time to think after I planted the seed, and let her calm down. But I'm desperate to get her back.
