TTA, I haven't read your thread yet, but I just want to add to what CB said - and he is a man I have an enormous amount of respect for.
AFAIK none of the people on the boards has any formal qualification in Relationship or any other type of Counselling.
Everyone will offer advice - and it WILL differ and it WILL be based on what works or doesn't from their perspective.
There is no right or wrong - and at the end of the day it's up to you. I'd like to think that we all all good people on the boards. We are the ones who care enough to want to save our R's.
Listen to what everyone advises, but DO what works for you.
H: 44 W: 42 Married: 23 years Bomb: 16/07/2009 PA Confirmed: 16/01/2010 Over it & working on ME: Feb'ish 2010