I guess I would just bluntly ask you... putting your H aside what changes can you make in YOUR life that will improve YOUR life. Forget about what positive ripple down effect they may or may not have on your husband but really, what do you want to make better in your life?
Obviously you would like your marriage to improve but putting that aside what do you feel you need right now to make your life better and what can you do to make it happen?
What I really had to tell myself (sometimes on an hourly basis) is the more time I spent investigating what my H was doing (and he was doing plenty!) the less time I had to make my life better. It's a struggle but at the end of the day your H is going to do what he is going to do.
