Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

I've spent a lot of time trying to make my H happy----or I should say trying to handle all of this the way he wants, thinking that if I wouldn't piss him off, he would see that I want him to be happy and he would come back to me. It hasn't worked, I've only held on to that hope for longer than is emotionally healthy.

I have worked on myself, although I am the first to admit that I have a lot of work left to go. I do get what this is all about, I know that I'm here to find ME for ME, but the e-mail I sent this morning was for me.

Yes, I know he knows all of this, I've said it plenty of times and I know saying it one more time will not snap him out of this and make him love me again (but will more likely reinforce his reasons for leaving), but this is the way I feel and I'm sorry that I can't deny my feelings to the person that I have loved for 30 years----even though he doesn't love me anymore. Yes, I know my feelings only cause him more guilt, more pain and it is unproductive to share them with him----but I guess that's another weak part in my character. When I am hurting this much, I don't care that I cause him more pain and feelings of guilt.

I will get over this and get back to focusing on me and my life without him. I know I can make it and be happy without him, but I also know the divorce process will be HE**, and I can only hope I'm strong enough to handle it all.

I'm sorry to disappoint, and I'm sorry to ask for help once again to do my own thing.