Just remember this is all conjecture on my part, ok?
I think it's similar to someone deciding whether to 'fess up to an affair. Here's the set-up:
Husband has an affair, and decides to end it on his own volition. Wife does not know about the affair since he did a good job of hiding it (and she was probably in denial), and he has to decide whether or not to tell her about the affair. It's over, there's no more sneaking around, he's committed to his wife and family. If he keeps quiet, no one will ever know, no one is hurt. If he confesses, he will put his wife through unbelievable pain- and is that pain really necessary if he's staying with his family? If he does confess, he relieves himself of the burden of keeping that secret and guilt, and acknowledges his failure to be faithful. If he keeps quiet- he has to live with that guilt. Either way, someone suffers.
* Keep quiet- H in pain from guilt, W lives peaceful, unaware life. * Confess- H releases his guilt, W in pain over betrayal.
I think your wife did the same thing (her betrayal being failure to communicate her unhappiness rather than unfaithfulness). She chose to relieve her pain at your expense.
