I am actually going through the "shakes" coming back into the thread to check it....it seems I'm on the right track with your situation; and it seems right that I post what I'm seeing in this as follows....and the answers as they were last night and are today, being "poured" into me like water.
This is YOUR situation, not anyone else's. I posted what I saw in my husband, more for information on ME, than anything else...has NOTHING to do with what I'm seeing on you and your wife.
It was a strange thing coming in here last night for me, Cyclone; it was like I was dragged into this thread last night to look at it because I "knew" I would have a clear answer for you...I don't know how else to explain it. There was NOTHING about the title that indicated what was happening; I just knew I had to come in, that it was "time" to answer. All I can figure it that this phase is close to ending, and you must have been having a few second thoughts; the path is apparently "set" for you and your wife. I still say God works in mysterious ways; and He works things on His timetable, certainly not mine. He does send people in when a path is set in stone, and meant to come forward.
I had not read the answers that were already here, I was just focused on what you posted. I read the other answers after I posted. Each person sees this in so many different ways; yet there's times when He will bring me in, but will not allow me to look at what someone else has posted in answer, until my own answer has gone up. I do have "help" with this...and when I first came back, I was having a lot of trouble "seeing" like I did before...and it scared me. I haven't done a whole lot of posting on other's threads this time, partly because of that trouble; and partly because, at times, I'm having trouble accessing what I was able to do before. It's been around 8 years since I was here in what, at times, seems to be another life. And, in a way it WAS another life.
It's getting easier, but at the same time, I'm being "eased" back into this again, if that makes any sense at all.
I've been praying for the help I'd had in times past, and praying that what I say/advise will not cause MORE damage to people; as in raising their hopes, then dashing them.
As I read your initial post, I recognized the pattern, and answers started coming left and right for literally out of nowhere. And a certainty that this will break if you stand your ground, and do not move; believe it or not when she breaks, things WILL get better and move forward, easing the pressure off both of you...don't know how I know that, but I do. As you well know, it depends on her, but this is one of the times in this when you have to endure the storm, to come through, and things change for the better.
This battle, as you also know, is more of a spiritual/emotional type battle than what meets the eye at ANY given time, MORE SO when the latter stages are being reached.
It's a time of "sweeping change" in both parties. And a turning point on her part, WHEN the storm breaks in her.
You will know when the storm breaks, Cyclone, you'll see her coming toward you, she may apologize, she may reach out for you...and if this follows the pattern I think it will after the storm/tantrum breaks, a period of time will follow, how long I don't know, of relative peace, as she processes some more.
Remain open to her after the storm; she needs to know you're there, and even though it doesn't seem like it, she does need to know you still love her. Even if she doesn't seem to be receptive to it; I went through that with my husband, but it wasn't anything like it had been during the other stages that led into the tantrum. Nothing else is necessary for you to do, except wait and watch, being there when she needs you. And I get that she WILL need you when it is least expected.
I believe she will break after this period of "processing" time, and begin talking to you, it should pour out like a stream, and will scare you at first..but then you'll realize that everything she's felt, experienced, and the realizations she's come to will be brought out on the table for you to see/hear/understand.
The tantrum and the breaking down and revealing oneself, I believe is the first ventures into Acceptance; do not be surprised if she still runs backward a little ways after she talks to you, they go through a "scared" phase, as the revelations are just as scary to them as it is to the LBS.....but after this huge storm is finished, there will NOT be a repeat, assuming that both of you play your parts, and the biggest responsibility will fall on you to be stable, calm, and NO BACKSLIDING on your changes.
May God continue to be with you, both, I am praying that what I've seen and laid out here will come to pass, and that I'm not hearing Him wrong. It's a strong enough feeling that I don't think so, but at the same time, I have a very strong human hope for both of you.
Keep us posted on what happens, Cyclone.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
