Checking in

[trustingfaith]

Bradley,

This is just coming from my perspective and total speculation, from someone who has had a H who just worked too much over the past few years and who left me wishing he would spend more time with the family, but I think your wife is scared and is trying to "protect" herself. She wants to believe you, but she isn't sure she can. She is going into defense mode to keep from getting hurt.

That is just my take.

Just keep working on being that man you want to be and making those positive changes. Actions speak louder than words.

[bradley11]

Trusting-

she says these things... and I believe they could be true.

but my heart says otherwise...

I will keep on keepin on though.

[figgeroni]

1st of all

you are NOT a doormat unless you feel that way

I, personally, do not feel like a doormat when I put my relationships ahead of my own personal wants (not needs...but wants)

you want your life back the way it was

you don't need it there

giving up something so someone can figure something out isn't being a doormat...again, unless you let yourself feel that way

her crazy ups and downs are hers...stop owning them and making them yours

you have a goal you are working toward

don't let than be effected by her
HER moods do not change YOUR goal

humbling yourself for the greater good isn't being a doormat

[trustingfaith]

Great post, figgeroni! All so true.

Bradley, if it is MLC too her emotions and what she wants/doesn't want will change on a dime. They are driven by emotion and that is extremely volatile.

Keep on keeping on is what you need to do, and as fig says don't let her crazy ups and downs be yours.:)

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Few things,

STOP calling yourself a doormat. You aren't a doormat. Doormats don't have a choice, you do.

the Hope-0-Meter starts to climb... then the withdrawl occurs... then the Hope-o-Meter crashes into the red zone.

Your Hope-O-Meter is broken.
It fills up with good contact.

Withdrawal shouldn't drain it, it should stay where it was last at. When your car is parked it doesn't run out of fuel.

Bad contact drains it.

Although there is an inherient problem with your Hope-O-Meter, do you know what it is?



What happens when your Hope-O-Meter gets filled up? What do you do then eager man? Just curious.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
- Emily Dickinson

In your soul, NOT on your sleeve. Protected.

Bradley,

If you have to opportunity, go rent/watch Doc Hollywood...yeah it is cheesy, but you know what? It is a feel good movie about priorities.

how do I detatch when it seems she wont let me go?

I need your definition of dettaching, what do you think it means?

Because I think that might be part of the problem.

Dettaching to me doesn't mean not talking to them, it means not getting emotional with them, not letting your buttons get pushed.

But I'd still like yours.

yet all signs point to the fact that she wants no part of me.

wait a second...

hold on...

She says she does not want a divorce. Even today she called me to talk about three marriage counselors that she thinks could be good

and ummm...just a moment...

then she starts to talk about things like "I'm starting to believe in you". "do you really think you can change?"...

annnnnnnd...

and she has been apologizing today about it...which is a first

Bradley,

You're a big fat lying liar!


OR you have the attention span of a hamster on crack.

either way you should know I am joking with you. (see guys? No Bear AND I ate a ton of skittles today...inside joke)

except for money.

Get a newspaper.

Roll it up.

Smack yourself on the nose.

Repeat.


Man overall, she just sounds either today whacked out of her mind, psychopath, and YOU should have see this side of her a LOOOOOOOONG time ago...or confused.

And what does confusion tell you?

See I see a confused woman.
I see a woman who doesn't trust in your changes...
And no offense neither do I.
Not yet.

I want too, and I think you are capable, but changes are not overnight. They do not happen because you WILL them to.
They happen because you make them over time, consistency and dedication.

And she needs to see that in order to trust you El Wood.

Screwed up?

Maybe, but despite the MLC...it is still true.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

but my heart says otherwise...

You haven't lead with your heart in a LONG time.
It doesn't have the experience to be brave.
No offense.

[bradley11]

Man overall, she just sounds either today whacked out of her mind, psychopath, and YOU should have see this side of her a LOOOOOOOONG time ago...or confused.

Hey jack- what is the translation here for those of us who don't speak Kung Fu Movie?

I think I know what you mean though... and honestly this has been how she has been pretty much for the last 2 months or so....

[Jack_Three_Beans]

2 month...not her whole life. Not the whole time she was married to you.

LOL not speak kung-fu.

sounds either totally whacked out of her mind, psychopath, and YOU should have seen this side of her a LOOOOOOOONG time ago

Better?

[bradley11]

she is totally nuts.

just called again-- wanted to tell me something funny...

but she is having a sad day... going to a meeting but doesn't want to...

then wanted to talk about "faith". i told her I thought faith is believing in something when you do not have concrete evidence.

then she said maybe we need to "let go" of the past... and stop holding on so tight to things.

I said that is what I have been working on. I've been trying to think of my life, trying to let go of the things I have lost.

then she said, "so is that what I should do too?"... by now she has taken control of the tone of the conversation. I say, "uuh yea... probably".

so she says, "ok... thanks for clarifying".

all over the place... all over it.

I did end the conversation cheerfully though.

but really... she's gonna let go or not-- if she wants to.. not based on anything I say.

right?

but I was feeling ok-- and she did a nice job of making me feel like crap again... but not majorly

[Jack_Three_Beans]

I like you.

not based on anything I say.

In some ways...correct.

In some ways wrong.

"[censored] you! You lying [censored] [censored] [censored]. I want a [censored] divorce. I couldn't trust you if God himself told me too. May you rot in hell."

See now...

That would push her away from you.


Just an example.

So your words DO have effect...just usually in a BAD way.

I've been trying to think of my life, trying to let go of the things I have lost.

then she said, "so is that what I should do too?"... by now she has taken control of the tone of the conversation. I say, "uuh yea... probably".

so she says, "ok... thanks for clarifying".

Ever watch a movie again and secretly hoped the ending magically changed?

I think you gave her the wrong impression.

And not sure where you stand with her to tell her that.

A simple text message.

"I did not mean to imply I have given up on us. Just on the things I cannot or should not control."