Looking for Advice

[gutwrenching]

Thanks Greek. This possible assignment is creating a crisis again. I don't know exactly why, but like you said, it is hers to deal with.

She is not all in, not even close. In fact, her words to me were "I haven't gone anywhere, I haven't left"...that is far from all in. Next discussion I will probably use stronger words like you did. Last night I simply stated that I had to look out for my future since YOU were questioning our marriage and future. I had to look out for my future and my kids future and my financial security. She scoffed at the financial piece but I then explained it to her and although she didn't like it, I made it her see it from my perspective. I told her I have to consider every option since I no longer know what our situation will be. I will be honest...my goal is to move together somewhere and keep on trying. It hasn't even been 6 months yet...if anything is going to work, it is going to take more time than this I would think.

I am 95% sure I am going to pursue the job at this point, but I haven't told W this. For now, I think it is good that she has to deal with things and think about things. It is good for her to have found out that I am not a simple fall back plan that she can manipulate. It is disappointing because things were going better, but it isn't a roller coaster for nothing.

I did do some 180s last night that seemed to throw her off and maybe once I left the house and she thought about them, maybe it caused this reaction. After all her talk of us separating (from her) and me making it clear that there was no easy solution in our future, I went out of my way to be nice and friendly and act like nothing had happened. She even said to me we were just talking about separating and now you are acting like this. I simply replied that nothing had changed from our conversation, she told me nothing I didn't already know, so I'm not going to change who I am just because we talked about uncomfortable topics. I'm not going to act like a jerk to her just because she was questioning our M (this was a big 180 for me).

I then added I do care for her and was trying to be nice and trying to make sure that I still felt something for her if she ever decided to try to work on our M. Then she wanted to know if I was at the point of almost feeling nothing. I told her I wasn't going to answer that because I didn't know how. I said I know we haven't really tried to fix things, I know I don't want to do this to the kids, and I know our problems can be overcome but I can't put a number or percentage on how much I still do or don't feel.

[sandi2]

She seems incredibly selfish. She wants to know all about your feelings and she want you to stay put in your career moves.....without her making any commitments.

Your suggestion about how to respond to her was fine. I even think what you said about since she wasn't making any commitments toward the M that you had to think about your future. Maybe she needs the light shone on her selfishness.

I'm glad she does seem to be slowly coming out of the fog. I hope it will be enough for her to make a solid decision on the M and not keep trying to hop back & forth over the fence.

[sgctxok]

Please start a new thread as your thread is large. Large threads interfere with the mechanics of the board and slow it down.

Thanks.