WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

Well what a difference a day makes.

W asked to come over to chat tonight. Said after a long period of thought about yesterday's conversation, she had a revelation of self awareness in that she is coming to grips with and becoming comfortable with moving on. Said what could be signs from God, such as a song she heard on the radio shortly after her "A-HA" moment, as well as immediate relief from stress related abdominal pain, even her horoscope, pointed to Him being in agreement. She said she knows she could be wrong about those, but it seemed strange that there would be such coincidences.

Basically told me she doesn't know what is really missing in our relationship to be able to put it into words, she just knows that "it" is not there. She knows "it" when she sees "it" and knows that "it" is "out there". I guess in other men.

She said if she came back she could see this happening to her again with someone else.

It was a long talk, mainly me saying that I completely understood where she stood and that I was clear on her feelings, and that I really had not seen anything different in that area since this all started.

I just asked her what she thought the definition of faith was, and asked if she trusted God. She said she has faith but doesn't know if she trusts Him yet. I was just trying to get her to consider that doing what God prescribes with regards to marriage would require both faith and trust in Him. If she didn't trust Him to take care of her if she came back to me, then I get where she could see that getting out was really all that would make sense to her.

I told her that I have faith and trust in God, and that I truly believe that no matter how far gone she seems now, that somehow, some way, at some point God is going to surprise her. And at that point she will see things differently. I said I don't like what it is putting me through, but that God requires me to be patient and that is what I'm doing.


Why not fight for her? (And yes I did read your past posts)

She understood. I think she felt a little frustrated in that she seems to want to get a cooperative move on in getting a divorce.

OR she wants you to fight for her! At least passionately make your case, rather than validating how she feels and sounding wishy washy as if it "kinda bothers you that she's walking out but hey, if that's how she feels...".what can you possibly do? Oh How about a lot!!
I told her I think that would be a mistake, but that she is free to make that decision.



We've had this conversation before; most of her points seemed just like the ones she made when dropping the bomb almost a year ago. It was just strange to see her flip flop from saying "You should have fought for me" just yesterday, and today saying she is now completely at peace with going against God's law and what everyone else is telling her.

this is not a flip flop to me. It's another tactic to wake you up. You sound like a calm easy going and "who gives a damn if she leaves" type of guy when she craves passion and desire from her mate. I could be wrong of course and I know you're not intentionally blowing me off but man I just think you are misreading and mishandling this for so long...I mean if she's NOT testing you then she's wishy washy and a tad unstable and I'd have to ask why you wnat to be m but then I think maybe you want to avoid the work she and ANY woman will need from you....why not do it for the mother of your children if you're going to eventually try with someone?


I expected to hear what I heard tonight, and I think I gave her some things to really think about. She initiated a hug before leaving, crying and saying "I'm sorry". I just told her don't be, you can't help what you feel.

OMG ....can't believe you said that....

She said she'd give up anything to feel differently with the exception of our kids. I just told her to be open to surprises and not to close off her heart.

So are you going to surprise her or what? Just hope she wakes up one day and FEELS differently??


So I guess I'm back to where I was 2 days ago. Yippee. I still trust God, despite this setback, but man its so tough. And I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

Sorry you are hurting. But take into consideration what's written here and see if any of it makes sense. Put your pride and ego aside (not your self respect) and open your heart to His will and see what he would like for you to DO...
j-

I appreciate the comments 25, and you did hit the nail on the head with regard to my personality - very calm and easygoing. I can be opinionated and passionate in debate, which was a turn off for my W.

If you read my prior thread then you know I tried a lot of things to fight for her, but they did not work. The only difference now is that supposedly the OM is out of the picture. Tactics of pursuit obviously go against the DB principles, and that is what I'd have to use to fight for her, do you not agree?

I'm going to try a mixed approach of reaching out and pulling back and monitor what seems to work. I'm not going to let pride and ego get in my way, but I have to walk a fine line. If she responds positively, I'll keep it up.

I really don't think she's testing me with the flip flops. I think depression is wreaking havoc with her mind. I can handle that. I WANT to take care of her.

When I told her not to be sorry for her feelings, it was an acknowledgment of the fact that we can't help what we feel. That's one of the lessons of Retrouvaille. We CAN help how we act on those feelings, however. And we can make decisions that may change feelings.