how do i keep my hope alive?

[talia]

TTA,
You have every right to ask "Where was he?" "Will he do this again?" "Is it worth the risk to try?" "Can I ever really trust him give his history of running?" You have every right to be angry because he wasn't there to support you. Don't feel like you have to be self sacrificing in this. HE made choices that devastated you - and there might be very valid reasons why he did it - but you STILL have the RIGHT to feel however you want to about it. You DON'T have to look at it from his perspective. You don't have to explain away your feelings by saying "Its ok... He wasn't capable of meeting my needs so I won't be angry".. You feel however you want - and know that is OK.

The best thing you can do is NOT bury those feelings. If you do - not matter what happens with H - they will bubble up later and cause you problems.

Don't you feel like you need to sacrifice yourself. Marriage is about two people forming a union. That should be EQUITABLE - not totally one sided. Until your situation with H is NOT one sided you need to "protect your assets". If H is REALLY "working to build it" he will be able to show you that over time. Right now - he has bad credit and is a big risk. Only time will tell if that improves.

I would suggest you talk to IC about some CLINICAL resources on ADHD and how that affects adults. I think you may get a great perspective that will help you put the ADHD stuff in line with the DB stuff. I'm afraid getting a perspective on ADHD anywhere else might be skewed. ADHD affects people in many ways and I think it will help you to get a run down of ALL the ways it can affect someone - so you have a full and balanced perspective.

HIJACK - OTM - Please do yourself, your wife, and everyone here a favor and go get some counseling. Talk to a professional about how to deal with your feelings and your issues with your wife. The core philosophy in Divorce Remedy is YOU MUST CHANGE. STOP worrying about what your wife is/isn't doing or how you might/would/should have handled the situation differently. Until you have a little more therapy, real divorce busting experience, and perspective - your advice is terribly mis-placed. Please go get some real help with this - you aren't helping yourself on here right now and I don't think your advice is Divorce Busting at its core. If you are going to be on these boards you need to stick to the core philosophy.



Have a great day!!! Sorry for the Hijack!

T