Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

After (not) sleeping on it over night, I have made the following revisions:

I know that I have accused you of approaching this without emotion and I have accused you of not experiencing any pain over all of this. I know this is not true. On the handful of occasions that I have tried to talk to you, you have remained silent, but I see the pain in your eyes. I know because of the way that you have avoided me, how you are handling this,
and what all of this means, that this is not an easy thing for you.

I do not believe that divorce is the answer for us. I believe to the bottom of my soul that this is wrong.

You told me to get a lawyer, and I have, Lisa X. I know that divorce is what you want----what you need, and I have accepted that fact and have retained representation. I made the appointment, I went to her office and I laid out how I felt about
all of this. I gave her all of the details of our lives together. I told her how much I still care for you, and that this is not what I want.

[Mach1]

You are making this way too easy for him...

Remove the send button and surround it with about ten pounds of C-4 explosives...

You are interjecting YOUR thoughts, feelings, assumptions, and GUILT onto him with that....

Be the light, not the target....

Will he be angry ?

How does that affect YOUR life today, and your plans ?

It won't.....unless you let it.....

[ddstartingover]

How am I making this easy for him? My intention is to let him know who my L is and be consistent that this is not what I want. He can contact the L and be told that she won't do anything until he files.

I know I'm emotional. Please explain what you mean by interjecting my thoughts.....guilt.....

Yes he will be angry---he is no matter what. I've fought that battle for a long time-----bending over backwards to try to make this all work and keep him happy with the "situation." I know it doesn't work. I know that I've lost that battle and am doing my best to work on me. I have made progress, that doesn't show here---especially at times like this.

It always affects me emotionally in some way when I see his anger. I am most affected today by knowing that I need to send something, and not send what I want to send. I am also compelled to call him and tell him this instead.

This is also the 5th anniversary of my father's death, and one of the most stressful weeks of the year that I have preparing my kids for competition this Saturday----and he will be there.

[Mach1]

I do not believe that divorce is the answer for us. I believe to the bottom of my soul that this is wrong.

Thoughts...Feelings

I know that I have accused you of approaching this without emotion and I have accused you of not experiencing any pain over all of this. I know this is not true. On the handful of occasions that I have tried to talk to you, you have remained silent, but I see the pain in your eyes. I know because of the way that you have avoided me, how you are handling this, and what all of this means, that this is not an easy thing for you.

Assumption

I told her how much I still care for you,

Guilt

Yes he will be angry---he is no matter what. I've fought that battle for a long time-----bending over backwards to try to make this all work and keep him happy with the "situation." I know it doesn't work. I know that I've lost that battle and am doing my best to work on me. I have made progress, that doesn't show here---especially at times like this.

It always affects me emotionally in some way when I see his anger. I am most affected today by knowing that I need to send something, and not send what I want to send. I am also compelled to call him and tell him this instead.

Where are YOU at right now....

You have spent a lot of time trying to make "this" work, and trying to keep him happy.

I hope that you can see that his happiness has nothing to do with you "keeping" it for him. That has to come from within him.

Who has been keeping YOUR happiness through this long battle ?

I have preparing my kids for competition this Saturday----

To me....THIS seems like a much more productive way to spin YOUR happiness...

and he will be there

And you are going to let that spoil something that has nothing to do with him....For you?

Who really cares if he is there or not?

This is about your kids.....not him

If you shift that focus on HIM, then you are giving him your power for that day, and all of the preperation that you did...

Stand proud of you and your children.....let him spin in the wind


IF....you MUST respond...

Maybe something like....




--My Lawyers name is xxxxxx. Any future communication regarding legal action, should be referenced through her office--

[Cadet]

This is also the 5th anniversary of my father's death, and one of the most stressful weeks of the year

All the more reason to not respond. You can not make good decisions when you are under this much stress.

You are going to be ok.

Maybe the best response to him is

This is also the 5th anniversary of my father's death, and one of the most stressful weeks of the year

sorry I'm too busy right now.

[ddstartingover]

I know that I will be ok. I am already feeling better having sent my reply:

I do not believe that divorce is the answer for us. I believe to the bottom of my soul that this is wrong, all of THIS has been wrong.

I know that divorce is what you want---what you need, and I have reluctantly retained representation, Lisa X.
****************

I know there shouldn't be emotion in this, but this is who I am. I also will accept the fact that this will interject guilt. I cannot pretend like this is ok with me----because of who I am.

I appreciate all of your input, and I think you helped tame me down a bit.

I won't let H spoil the day with my kids on Saturday, but it will just be even more awkward.

[ddstartingover]

I've spent a lot of time trying to make my H happy----or I should say trying to handle all of this the way he wants, thinking that if I wouldn't piss him off, he would see that I want him to be happy and he would come back to me. It hasn't worked, I've only held on to that hope for longer than is emotionally healthy.

I have worked on myself, although I am the first to admit that I have a lot of work left to go. I do get what this is all about, I know that I'm here to find ME for ME, but the e-mail I sent this morning was for me.

Yes, I know he knows all of this, I've said it plenty of times and I know saying it one more time will not snap him out of this and make him love me again (but will more likely reinforce his reasons for leaving), but this is the way I feel and I'm sorry that I can't deny my feelings to the person that I have loved for 30 years----even though he doesn't love me anymore. Yes, I know my feelings only cause him more guilt, more pain and it is unproductive to share them with him----but I guess that's another weak part in my character. When I am hurting this much, I don't care that I cause him more pain and feelings of guilt.

I will get over this and get back to focusing on me and my life without him. I know I can make it and be happy without him, but I also know the divorce process will be HE**, and I can only hope I'm strong enough to handle it all.

I'm sorry to disappoint, and I'm sorry to ask for help once again to do my own thing.

[kat727]

You know the thing I have discovered it that everyone gets there in their own time. You could have 100 people telling you the same thing but then time has past and you have the 101st person tell you and now, it makes sense.

Those of us that have been here a while have seen all of this pain and we are just trying to help make it a little easier on you. You will take what you want as far as advice and leave the rest.

Thinking of you and know that you will get there. kat

[Cadet]

I'm sorry to disappoint, and I'm sorry to ask for help once again to do my own thing.

Are you saying your sorry to me, DREW, Jack or anyone else that posted here. There is only one person to be sorry to, that is YOU.

I mean if it helps you can refund me all the money you paid me for our advice. I actually want a double refund!!! And Jack want three times the amount.

I know that I'm here to find ME for ME, but the e-mail I sent this morning was for me.

Ok so now you have done it. Lets start working on ME(you). Because in the end that is the only person that you can control.

[sgctxok]

Please start a new thread as your thread is large. Large threads interfere with the mechanics of the board and slow it down.

Thanks.