Hi Gardener, I think reality is hitting your W in the face. She is discovering that it "hurts" for her to look at the collaspe of the M. No matter how she may have tried to make you out to be the bad guy, I think she finds herself regretting the failure of the R.....and in her heart, she knows she has to own her part. She knows it could have been saved.

As for the last name......it is sensitive to you b/c you think of it as still "your" last name that she took at the wedding. That's true, but now she thinks of it as "her" name and probably has had it longer than her other names, IDK. But mostly b/c is it such a hassle with changing last names around. The more business papers (insuance, health, SS, etc.) the more mix up it seems to cause. I doubt she is even thinking along the lines you are. I've seen very agry & bitter D women keep their H's last name. The older they are and the longer the M was....the harder it seems to be to change things around. Just my POV.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!