All this hurts, especially going from an intimate relationship with your emotional confidant to being nonexistent while your adversary and her lawyer discussed the one thing that has always been yours.
The name, like the assets and marital property comes under the business transaction of divorce. Changing the name while finalizing the divorce aids the woman, making the change legal which allows a swift crossover on all banking, legal documents, etc. The example of Jeff's former spouse illustrates the difficulty, even having the judge's sanction.
And it gives the woman a choice.. whether they wish to be rid of a surname, one of the last remnants of the marriage, or keep it for their own reasons. It's not being viewed as chattel, property.
Is getting upset about her keeping her married name petty? Well, it's a nonissue.
Is getting upset because she and her lawyer discussed it with no regard to you, that you didn't exist, making you feel had no say? Well, you could.. but it's an item of business for her, like "I'm taking the silver." And you're the puppy in the window watching one more silver of hope disappear.
It just hurts. But keep saying and sharing what's on your mind. Part of healing is getting it out there and letting go.
You're giving a new canvas each day to paint. It's your choice how to adorn it, express, neglect. But it's yours... every single day.
