Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[Piano]

Hi Jstar. No, I am not "going dark". Can't do it. The time I did go dark (2 weeks was my all-out best), there was a marked improvement in his concern about me - he sounded panicky, but no change of heart in terms of coming back to the relationship.

You write: "the ironic thing is that during the first of our seperation, i didn't feel like i could do much changing in myself, i just implemented the lrt went completely dark but didn't come out of it well. when i broke silence i went back to my same patters and behaviours."

Absolutely. I think there's no point going dark unless you CAN change. Maybe some of us have more hope of positively changing ourselves if we have a little bit of contact. Maybe that's more true for pregnant ladies? All-out NC seems to me an unreasonable thing for a pregnant woman to endure (a life-in-the-making is an unsual set of circumstances, particulary for a first-time mum, and no contact with the father is terrifying on top of the normal terrors!). Having said that, my experience was that NC can be beneficial for small periods of time, at times when you are really angry or mega-destructive, for example.

You also write about a "back and forth" process. Yes. I understand. That's my experience That's life, isn't it?

I really need to read your thread & about how you let him into the delivery room, and what followed.... xx