I work w my W who wants D

[HopinginMass]

not sure what to do here, I've been reading these forums and have really made some mistakes. I work w/ my wife, actually 2 cubicles down from her. She dropped the bomb on me on the way to work and then will be in her cube joking with guys and being all friendly. I told my mgr I may need to move to a diff part of the floor.

She wanted D to the point she wanted me to schedule w/ a mediator. I told her I'm not sure what I want to do yet. I went to the bank and separated our funds and this got her VERY upset...wrote her a letter with instructions on how to split her part off, it was very matter of fact, she calls it the "dear John" letter??? She has already spoken to the stepkids about moving. I've been doing 180 and GAL which seems to bother her, I'm not sure if she's the type to do this stuff with. There is very little talk between us now, I mainly answer questions.

She has given mea list of things to do to fix up the house for sale. She seems to think I'm going to eagerly work my butt off to get the house (that we'll lose a ton of money on) ready for sale.

[Onthemountaintop]

Did she tell you why?

[Vulcanized]

not sure what to do here, I've been reading these forums and have really made some mistakes. I work w/ my wife, actually 2 cubicles down from her. She dropped the bomb on me on the way to work and then will be in her cube joking with guys and being all friendly. I told my mgr I may need to move to a diff part of the floor.

Hi Hoping. Sorry that you're here. But it is a good place for advice, support, etc.

If you can move so that you aren't in such close proximity, w/o getting into the specifics of why, that may a good idea. I can't imagine seeing W daily interacting like that doesn't take a toll on you.

She wanted D to the point she wanted me to schedule w/ a mediator. I told her I'm not sure what I want to do yet. I went to the bank and separated our funds and this got her VERY upset...wrote her a letter with instructions on how to split her part off, it was very matter of fact, she calls it the "dear John" letter??? She has already spoken to the stepkids about moving.

Very smart decision.

I've been doing 180 and GAL which seems to bother her, I'm not sure if she's the type to do this stuff with. There is very little talk between us now, I mainly answer questions.

The GAL is for you and you ONLY. If you can take focus of W/M, and place it on you, you will feel better. It's exceptionally tough in the first few weeks/months. You need to take extra good care of yourself now. GAL is like a snuggly warm security blanket. Try to keep a little bit aloof. What sort of questions is your W asking?

She has given mea list of things to do to fix up the house for sale. She seems to think I'm going to eagerly work my butt off to get the house (that we'll lose a ton of money on) ready for sale.

If you don't want D, and don't want to sell your house, don't. It's simple. I assume the deed is in both of your names? I don't think the house can be sold w/o both parties signatures, but that is something you should definitely find out.

Take a deep breath, calm down, and know that you will be alright.

[HopinginMass]

I've been doing 180 and GAL which seems to bother her, I'm not sure if she's the type to do this stuff with. There is very little talk between us now, I mainly answer questions.

The GAL is for you and you ONLY. If you can take focus of W/M, and place it on you, you will feel better. It's exceptionally tough in the first few weeks/months. You need to take extra good care of yourself now. GAL is like a snuggly warm security blanket. Try to keep a little bit aloof. What sort of questions is your W asking?

for about a week we wouldn't talk at all, but now if it's quiet too long she'll ask an "icebreaker" type question, about the roof or about our son or something, I think it really bothers her that I'm really not talking anymore. We are allowed to work from home one day a week so I've changed our days so they're different, this means I don't have to ride to work with her 2 days a week, which is now excruciating.

She has given mea list of things to do to fix up the house for sale. She seems to think I'm going to eagerly work my butt off to get the house (that we'll lose a ton of money on) ready for sale.

If you don't want D, and don't want to sell your house, don't. It's simple. I assume the deed is in both of your names? I don't think the house can be sold w/o both parties signatures, but that is something you should definitely find out.
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thanks, it's in both our names. I spoke w/ an attorney who told me we can sell the house before we even start a divorce proceeding. I can't afford it alone, I'm just not sure if she's still hell bent on the divorce thing. I'm in AA and my GAL plan is pretty simple, I'm just going to a LOT more meetings and letting things slide around the house that used to get on my nerves. I think she sees a change and it's confusing her. I don't want to feel like I'm playing games, because really I've about had enough of her divorce threats anyway. She won't agree to counseling, her ex told me she did the same thing to him so she's really just repeating her pattern here. I just don't think it's fair to my son to end up in a split family because his mom is "unhappy".