I got the call, too. I have a feeling that something might go wrong, but I'm trying to be honest to myself and her this weekend - no point in being someone I'm not!
She might say it. I can't say what yours will be like, but here in Calgary, I figure if my W or I say something that we shouldn't it probably would've happened at home, too. I think it is like a thermometer - you get the temperature you're at.
I hope by Sunday, I'll be feeling some deeper love that makes me want to stay in my M forever. I don't expect that Friday night.
You're still going to post how things went? I'd love to get someelse's POV~
Wow, I truly hope my W can bring this attitude to the weekend. If you don't love her what is your motivation here, if any, besides the children? Not that that motivation isn't enough.
Explain your phrase I'm trying to be honest to myself from your perspective, as my wife says that constantly.
I will post how things go, I guess like "fight club" rules I can't say exactly what happens or is happening and that is fine.
I enjoy this post also as it truly is the exact opposite point of view coming in, very interesting. Have to love the WWW at times.
TBL now equals "Toward Better Love" M-44 W-42; 2 kids; married 11 years 1st bomb 10-08, reconcile 12-08 2nd bomb 8-09, moving toward reconcile 3-7-10
I don't think she (or I) ever had the right environment and need to build love. I just kinda went with the flow. I just can't do that anymore because when she's down and out, she hurts me too much (talks about leaving, etc.).
So, if there weren't kids, I'd be gone. I know that. There are enough differences, that even if I find love that can carry me on, I wouldn't be willing to put up with the cultural baggage and things in her personality that I am uncomfortable with. On top, I have ADHD so I come with a package of really good stuff and some not so good. She has always had problems accepting that I am who I am. One day she said she found it hard to understand that I forget some things because she thinks I'm too smart for that...! But I do.
And I do have kids. Also, she loves me deeply so I want to try hard for her. Not because I love her, but because she is a good person even if I can't see eye to eye enough.
If God sent a message that I'll always be unhappy with her, I'd go. I don't know that. I want to make sure I've really opened up and tried to feel with my heart. Corney? Maybe.
The honesty thing...I want to change, but not so that I can stay married. I want to change because I want to be a better husband regardless of who my wife is. Exception: if it is a little thing, I can change that to make her happy. If that isn't clear TBL, let me know.
When you said it was the opposite POV, could you let me know what you saw? There's that ADHD thing...
Ahh, also a good point listen well, I will ask God to open my heart and my ears, because I clearly wasn't in the past.
At least she hasn't backed out yet and I am not saying anything to hurt that.
Mountain top, which comes first, her getting depressed and then you not loving her or the opposite.
Your statements that you've tried to open your heart/feel with your heart? What does that mean? Because it is exactly what my w says. Thus the opposite POV, in my relationhip you would the WAW.
When she says that to me, I think and sometimes say to her, love is a choice, it is a proactive action. One cannot sit in a room with someone and fall in love. I can't go to Barnes and Noble and read a book and see a lady there for a few days and be in love.
Love starts with a kind word, a caress of one's hand, holding hands. Love needs encouragement to grow.
My wife says she is trying, I say how? She says by not leaving, which I guess is quite true.
I do love her dearly despite all this and am very pleased she is going to Retrouvaille this weekend.
TBL now equals "Toward Better Love" M-44 W-42; 2 kids; married 11 years 1st bomb 10-08, reconcile 12-08 2nd bomb 8-09, moving toward reconcile 3-7-10
On one post, a person suggested that it is a choice when you already had it, but that you lost it. I would agree. I've been trying and choosing to for many years, consistently wanting and expecting love for the first few years, less since then. The last year I haven't been open enough to it from the heart side, not the brain one. The brain one says I will eventaully love her now that we've improved communication & we've both done some changing. My heart, not so much (yet!)
If your wife is saying it, my guess is that she has some blocks/walls that she hasn't broken between you two. For me, my Ws lack of skill (I know that sounds mean...), cultural expections, physical attraction, and mostly her self-esteem have all been walls that I have only partly (or not at all) dealt with.
Some on the boards say that MWD says work on yourself only. My understanding is that you work on yourself, then as things improve (or spontaneously improved by the other partner), topics that bother you are dealt with, not ignored. My IC said that, too, although her focus was on communicating better.
So I'm trying to say that if you think your wife has 'walls' up, then if you understand those walls and can deal with them, or she does, then I think love can develop well. This weekend, I'm praying to deal with a few major bricks in the walls that in my case, have always existed.
Does that make sense? Do you think your wife has got "walls" between you that aren't protective, but just important issues that need to be tackelled?
She has always had problems accepting that I am who I am.
Sounds like you both have that problem then. Rethink the word always.
What are you grateful about concerning your wife?
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
