You are setting an ADULT EXAMPLE for him to follow.
Look, he's confused, THAT is when you NEED therapy.
He is NEVER going to be committed to trying while he's in an affair..he's being pulled in TWO directions at once.
YOU need to get him into therapy to get a GOOD FT EXPLAIN to him WHY he's so confused... Infidelity CREATES CONFUSION.. it clouds your judgement and produces stress and anxiety...
THIS is when you NEED to get him in there... But you can't pursue him no, you need to SHOW him by EXAMPLE.
Tell him YOU are confused, tell him YOU want a marriage but you don't trust him... and THEN you make an appointment for a FT and tell him you need to sort out YOUR confusion and these people save marriages and are the BEST people to help with that... don't insist he go with you... just go... you are SHOWING him what an ADULT does...
Don't wait for the confusion to end before he commits... the re-commitment phase is VERY OFTEN done still in confusion.
He will NEVER overcome that on his OWN... this is the stuff therapy HELPS him with.
WHen he commits to WORKING on his marriage it will gradually over weeks and months REDUCE the problems above... slowly over time as he sees value in a marriage again and hope returns... his confidence in you and him will return... love will return..
Don't wait for all that stuff to go away before therapy... this is what therapy treats my dear... this is when people SHOULD see a FT.. but FAR TOO OFTEN they talk to an attractive member of the Opposite sex in private for "advice" because of how they feel... and guess what happens?
Get him into therapy by leading an example... don't expect his mood to change before he goes in the door.
