Woah.... so many red lights... mind.... can't... think.

OK

1. Don't enable your wife when she's lying to you.
2. Don't TRUST your wife when she's lying to you.
3. Don't IGNORE a borderline alcoholic hanging around your wife and talking to her all the time.
4. Don't ignore a man and woman on the phone in secret all the time when they both have marriages in trouble... these are HUGE RED LIGHTS...

Marriage is about trust yes, but its ALSO about RESPECT.

a. Trust your wife to remain falthful.
b. Respect your husband enough not to socialize in secret with obnoxious alcoholics.

When B is ignored, you have to let A go to... sorry... its basic mathematics.

When respect to YOU goes out the window, TRUSTING her has to go out the window too...

This isn't the end of your marriage sir, but you have got to get on DAMAGE CONTROL -- NOW

1. Stop deluding yourself - your wife is NOT loyal to you right now
2. Stop letting OTHER men talk to her while her marriage is in trouble... they are PREDATORS and YOU are supposed to PROTECT her.. not let her socialize in secret with DRUNKS.
3. Stop thinking being NICE is going to move her to you.. it won't... not by a long shot... Y
4. You need to get in the middle of those two, and put a STOP to the affair... NOW before it escalates... disease, pregnancy, violence... divorce is the least of your worries.

DO NOT TRUST HER... she's showing all the key indicators of romantic addiction.

Where did you get the idea that your wife would get good advice from a unhappily married borderline alcoholic man who thinks its ok to talk in private with a confused woman with marital problems?

This guy is NOT giong to give her anything that's going to HELP her... he likley wouldn't give her good advice even if he in the off chance HAD any... he's moving IN on your WIFE if he hasn't already.

DAMAGE CONTROL TIME.

Get this guy's address.
Go to his HOME, wait til he LEAVEs and talk to his wife.
Tell her you think they are possibly having an affair.
Tell her you want him to stay AWAY from your wife.
Tell her EVERYTHING you KNOW.
Tell her that you would appreciate her keeping you informed.
Wait for this man to come home.
Meet him and tell him in FRONT of his WIFE you don't him to STAY away from your WIFE.
Leave quietly.

Your wife is going to BLAST you.
Your wife is going to thrash and throw a tantrum.
Your wife will get over it.

Get a VERY GOOD Family Therapist and get her IN there ASAP.