I will see who I can scrounge up. Unfortunatley, most of my friends are M'd, and spur of the moment on a weeknight is tough for them (not ME anymore!!!).
Note to GIMA: Make new friends... Carpe Diem (sieze the day) and there is no time like the present... now get on out there before I climb on the phone and give you a freakin' earful!
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I guess my question is, what if she had cancer? Would you have more compassion for her?
If yes then remember she is sick just change the disease in your mind.
Good point OP. I understand. But, the difficulty is how otherwise "normal" she seems to be - makes it tought to fight back the anger that comes from thinking she DOES have a choice here.
Sadness at first. Then just anger. Anger she can just do this without hesitation, this damage she is going to do to the kids. Dammit. Just, dammit. So mind numbingly selfish.
I know. Not to add fuel to your emotional fire, gima, but my same feelings were just increased exponentially when I looked at it in light of all the work, the DBing, the eggshells, the reading, the PMA, etc. that was taking place on my side while her side went...well while her side just went.
Originally Posted By: gima
I am so trying not to hate her right now, but it is VERY, VERY hard. I don't want that burden but don't seem to be able to shake it or let it go.
You know what, buddy? There's a reason you can't shake or let it go: it's understandable. It's valid! Sometimes you just gotta put aside all the morality, decency, religion, knowledge that hate can be self-consuming, etc., and just hate, anyway. In your mind. Until it's experienced, vented and spent. It's an emotion. Like all the others, it, too needs its expression, release valve. Let it have its say. I hated my X for a while. How can one not? Doing hateful, selfish, hurtful things almost cavalierly while I was busting my hump on this site and elsewhere consumed daily with the challenge and effort of saving my marriage - alone. It didn't last long. But I hated her. I felt it and got it through me and out of me. And. It. Felt. Good.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I know it's valid. I'm trying to let it run its course and not allow it to control me. Doing well with that now. Was good to get it out.
Tucked kids in. That was great. They seem to be drawing closer to me and I love that. I got home early tonight from work and met W coming down the road on way to take S to baseball practice. I stopped her and took S. On way to practice, he told me W is always late taking him (including today). I asked him which practices he had been on time for (expecting to hear some W had taken him to) and he said, almost as if to say "you idiot", the ones you took me to Dad. Huh.
You got a dog, then you always have a friend to go out with. My dog was my secret weapon. She was up for a talk or walk any time of day. There is a reason they are called "mans best friend."
I agree with Gardener, nothing wrong with how you are feeling. Feel it, understand it and deal with it in healthy ways. You can handle it. Just keep getting back up.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
