Sadness at first. Then just anger. Anger she can just do this without hesitation, this damage she is going to do to the kids. Dammit. Just, dammit. So mind numbingly selfish.
I know. Not to add fuel to your emotional fire, gima, but my same feelings were just increased exponentially when I looked at it in light of all the work, the DBing, the eggshells, the reading, the PMA, etc. that was taking place on my side while her side went...well while her side just went.
Originally Posted By: gima
I am so trying not to hate her right now, but it is VERY, VERY hard. I don't want that burden but don't seem to be able to shake it or let it go.
You know what, buddy? There's a reason you can't shake or let it go: it's understandable. It's valid! Sometimes you just gotta put aside all the morality, decency, religion, knowledge that hate can be self-consuming, etc., and just hate, anyway. In your mind. Until it's experienced, vented and spent. It's an emotion. Like all the others, it, too needs its expression, release valve. Let it have its say. I hated my X for a while. How can one not? Doing hateful, selfish, hurtful things almost cavalierly while I was busting my hump on this site and elsewhere consumed daily with the challenge and effort of saving my marriage - alone. It didn't last long. But I hated her. I felt it and got it through me and out of me. And. It. Felt. Good.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
