I don't know.....because I still care about him....because it's something he wants to know.......because I still want to make him happy??? Because I'm pathetic......sick.....a doormat....you name it.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I think you hit on it, you sill want to make him happy. But guess what! It's not your job to make him happy. It really never was, though you were a part of his happiness.
This is what he wants, why help him? Keep the focus on you and not him and you will be better off. Don't make me come to KC and make you write it a hundred times! lol
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I am a terrible DB'er. I have accepted that. I don't know what the right thing to do is in my situation, but I know that I am in so much pain right now that it is hard for me to do anything.
I will be sending a version of the following. I am posting here for criticism, or comments on anything that is outwardly wrong. I am not sending this as a "trick." I do not have any expectations that this will change anything in his mind. If I expect anything, it will be more anger. I need to send something to have peace within myself. I hope all of my friends here can understand:
I know that I have accused you of approaching this without emotion and I have accused you of not experiencing any pain over all of this. I know this is not true. On the handful of occasions that I have tried to talk to you, you have remained silent, but I see the pain in your eyes. I know because of the way that you have avoided me and what all of this means, that this is not an easy thing for you.
You say that you still care for me. It is impossible for me to believe that this is not true, so I will accept this, but it is also impossible for me to believe that that is all you have left for me, and that divorce is the only answer.
I have asked you for answers. I have asked you for an explanation. I have asked you to help me understand. I have asked for you to look for another answer. I have asked you to TALK to me rather than e-mail. You have been unable to do any of this for me. I can't believe that our relationship has resulted to e-mailed requests for a divorce. It is hard for me to believe that this is "all right in your mind," but I understand that that is how you feel.
I have no recourse. I have no remedy. You decided you were done. You decided you had to leave me. You decided how we would handle the kids and what the arrangements would be for them. You decided that THIS would be best for everyone. Now you have decided that you have to have a divorce.
When I attempted to talk to you in October I asked you to tell me what I could do in an effort to open up the door to friendship, and to help you see another solution. You picked at the part of that conversation that referenced our beginning and made me believe that you now even see that as wrong, and now are pushing hard for a divorce. I do not understand.
I do not believe that divorce is the answer. I believe to the bottom of my soul that it is wrong, and I will not initiate the divorce because that is what you want me to do. I know that this is what you want----what you think you need, and I understand that.
You told me to get a lawyer, and I have, Xxxx Xxx. I made the appointment and I went to her office and I laid out how I felt about all of this and gave her all of the details of our lives together. It was not easy, in fact it was close to hell, but I did it. I told her how much I still care for you, and that this is not what I want. I have hired her to represent me, but since I will not be filing for divorce, there is nothing she needs from you.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
OK, you wrote what you feel, and for you, that's good. But, what do you gain by sending it? You say you expect it to draw more anger, is that going to help you get what you need, for yourself?
Maybe you should send it, but wait a couple days. I'm not at all sure it is really a good idea.
I sent the e-mail this morning that was business---asked the questions I needed to know and asked about what I need to have the taxes done. He sent me the things he could send for the taxes via e-mail. Two minutes later he sent another e-mail asking for the name of my L. If I don't reply, it will draw anger. No matter what I do, there will be anger. I don't really know what I have to lose. I may be ok with just the last paragraph. I don't know.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Since you have talked to your L, and made it clear that she isn't supposed to start anything, and that she is working for YOU, you could send an email to H that says that you will not be initiating a D, and that any legal concerns should be addressed to your L.
I still think it would be better to just let it lie, if nothing else it's doing something different.
