I asked her if she honestly cared about me in light of what her boss was trying to do
This is what I'm getting at......and why I think it's too difficult for you "not" to bring her boss into the conversation when it turns into an argument.
The reality is that the two of you are just getting started with your girls in school. Think about all the issues that lie ahead over the years that doesn't even include school. I don't have to give you examples b/c you already know what I'm talking about.
Stuck, I can only imagine how you've held your tongue and even from taking her across your knee! I think you have been fantastic to hang in here for two years. But, I am very worried that she will not get her head out of the sand unless you try something different. As great as you may be, there is a limit to anything....and that's why I suggested that you take some time away from her. I realize it would be difficult not to talk about the kids, but you could make it "only" about the girls and nothing more. I think there have been many times you used the girls to try to bring the two of you together, and now she seems to be using them to wedge you apart.
I am worried about your heart and how this A has affected you. I'm not talking about the forgiveness, b/c I think you understand what that is about....but I'm talking about the wear & tear the betrayal had on you. You aren't over that yet. I don't know if anyone "ever" gets over it. I would think it's like a death.....you don't get over it, you only learn how to survive it.
I have racked my brain wondering what you could do that would jerk this woman out of the state she's in. I wish to goodness I had a better plan. I think she's crazy for not seeing what she has in front of her.....but I guess that is the case with WAW's. Do you discuss anything with your Pastor? Does she go to Church?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
