I agree, an EA is as painful as a PA, ive never denied this to my H. I want to stress i have been married for 17 years, we have been together for 22 years and i have never become friends with another man in this way before. Or ever intend to.
Maybe we are not in piecing, but we are in the same house, my H comes to 'our' bed and we spend every weekend together. Piecing has to start somewhere. But if you think i would be better moving to Infidelity then i will make the leap across.
I don't send many texts, not because i don't want to but i do not want to pressure him. I tend to reply to his texts when he sends them, or when i want him to know about the children.
I did send him an email today, owning everything. (i've always owned my responsibility in this.)I did explain what i believe led to my actions, our history is long and complicated. Our lifestyle over the last few years had become exhausting. For some time we had no money, or every penny went to pay debts. I had to get spare change from the kids money boxes to buy food. Phone calls demanding money. No heating, no car, many things and all the while trying to keep it from the children, family and friends. It was very isolating and the one person i wanted to turn to was away. I carried on knowing that we were in this together but after a while it didn't feel like that, because he stopped talking completely. He hasn't admitted it but i believe he is also depressed. I didn't say in the email any of this, but simply the truth, that i was exhausted and low.That he didn't deserve any of what i put him thru, that he had and always does work hard for all of us and that he needs to take as long as he needs to get past my betrayal. That i love him for his strength and integrity over these last few months. And that his patience and perseverence under such intense pressure has been an inspiration to me. I also said that i in no way want him to leave. I said that I have said this because I have felt guilt ridden and sad and that it's not his responsibility to rescue me from that. I need to pull myself out of the guilt and work towards making us all happy. I entitled the email Sorry because I truly needed to apologise for the texts I sent the other night after the fire. They weren't abusive, but i was speaking from fear and i would have placed pressure on him when he's under enough pressure as is.
I didn't expect an email back from my H as he doesn't usually respond to anything of a personal nature, before the separation or now. But he replied. Thanking me for taking all the responsibility for our mess and stressing that he doesn't blame me in any way. That he held some of the blame for being unaproachable, distant and unable to express his feelings. He knew i was struggling but was unable to help because he was in denial. He's going to make time for us to discuss our issues. And this time i know he means it. The message was short but loaded. And he signed off with 3 kisses!
Just seeing that and reading 5 sentences has given me the boost to stay home this weekend and face whatever comes. He deserves that.
R22, I will hunt out those books. I have a long list that i want to read but these will be a priority, Thank you.
thanks for responding both of you. I appreciate it.
me 41 H 40 D 10 S 13 S 15 separated in same house 05/09 my A 05-07/09
