Actually in NY it is 12 month period to wait and file for divorce after LS papers have been filed. I am definitely making mistakes with 180, but I try really hard not to text, call, email unless absolutely necessary. I have not asked her where she is or where she is going in long time. I am going to my apartment and leaving her be. Yes - I know it will take time. Right now - I am adjusting to life a bit in the apt and with my son - not going out at all yet - really just moved in. My 11 yr old is suddenly coming home with deficiency reports from school (she never had them before) so this is first obvious effects on her - I am staying in touch daily with her and have helped her with math homework last two nights - once at my apt, once back at house. I hear your words of wisdom above about slowness and time - but I can honestly say that it looks hopeless - W is SO INTO her Facebook, Blackberry, texts, emails, etc that only conversation she has for me is about kids, or our money sitch, or bills, or house selling related. No personal stuff at all. I am cordial, and as confident and strong as I can be when I do answer. Despite feeling hopeless at times - I have not given up - if I do - I probably wouldn't continue to post here. It sucks, it hurts, each minute seems like eternity, but I am bunkering in as best I can for the long road. Later.....
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
I hear your words of wisdom above about slowness and time - but I can honestly say that it looks hopeless - W is SO INTO her Facebook, Blackberry, texts, emails, etc that only conversation she has for me is about kids, or our money sitch, or bills, or house selling related. No personal stuff at all.
I know what you are going through. I've been out of the house 10 months and we had one talk -- back in September -- that had any personal talk other than I want a D, I don't love you any more, I never loved you any more.
I can't sense any personal feelings from her anymore. It's all strictly business with occasional flashes of anger because she's very suspicious of me.
It seems so hopeless -- as if I'm dead to her.
I feel your pain.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
I feel your pain as well - read thru some of your thread again. Your statement above - "hopeless - as if I'm dead to her" could easily be mine too - and I've said virtually the same thing to myself over and over. Not much to report here really - with me moving to apartment and trying to adjust and trying to work on myself, not much interaction between us this week. I am going over to house tonight - my daughter has volleyball practice and then she and I will grab a bite to eat out. Been getting thru this initial loneliness with DVD's/TV/reading, but I definitely want to motivate myself to start running/jogging routine too. Now March - so weather starting to warm just a bit - just have to "do it".
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Question for the masses out there. So, W and I are seperated, and I am out of house in apartment. As part of my DB, 180 strategy - do you think it wise to email her snippets, links, funny emails, etc. - just like I would send to a "friend". Part of me thinks that would be a 180 for me since I didnt really do that in the past, BUT, part of me thinks that might show as me being weak to her. I think I answered my own question - avoid that for awhile is the better strategy..........
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Everyday I go to get the mail, scared to death to see if D papers have been filed! (not really sure of the terminlogy)...my L advised to consider 3/4/2010 as the date that H's L would file and so far have not received any confirmation. Keeping fingers crossed!
You are doing good! Keep your mind on the kids and galing. that is really all you can do! Don't give up hope!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Had a conversation with W over the weekend. She told me she had not felt love for me for years - didn't love me, didn't want to touch me, etc. As much as I tried to take it all in and show indifference - I was bursting at the seams and holding back tears like I've never felt in my life. It was like getting beat up all over again. I'm taking one day at a time right now - very depressed about it. I'm trying to see the light, trying to be strong - but right now I feel so hopeless about us, and am feeling there is no chance for an "us" anymore. Not thinking of GAL right now - just want to get out of this rut I am in. Am going to try to get to a DivorceCare support group tonight. This is definitely a trying time for me right now.
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Forgot to mention that the next night - last night - we had a conversation where I suggested maybe she could move to Florida as she is planning with my D11 when house is sold, alone for awhile and leave D11 with me in NY. I actually was thinking about my D11 and how she is dead set against moving to FL with W and very upset about it. I thought maybe if W went first, established a residence, set it up, that D11 might miss her after a month and then WANT to go. Of course W exploded and suggested I was trying to take daughter away and she would go to court, etc., etc., etc. There was absolutely no reasoning with her and it didn't go well. I've said it here in my thread before, and I've seen it said in other threads - but I truly do not know this person anymore. There is a part that is still with our lives and our kids, and a part that is cold, heartless, and like nobody I've ever known. Again - I know I have to go on and be strong, but when I walk away I am really hurting inside. I know I have a lot of distance and detachment to go thru - this road is truly a dark, dismal and unforgiving place. I made myself as ready as I could, and I know its still going to get worse for me, but boy was Sandi right about things and whether I was man enough to face this. I have a lot more respect for all those ahead of me on this journey who made it thru - it is truly an emotional hell to face each day. Still planning to get to the DivorceCare support group tonight - I need some people face time who like you all out there - understand the pain and the struggle.......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom, I am so sorry to hear this! IF you W is in MLC, you cannot believe anything she says...it is hard to differentiate between a WAS or an MLCer. I finally determined that my H is in MLC and maybe has been for years.
