Quote:
I think I get a better reaction when I'm going 'dim' around her.


You need to be very dim. I have thought that the two of you were together too much since the S.

You said that you felt you need to give her attention after OM is gone. But to be honest with you, I think the two of you need to be away from each other for a while. Besides, she needs to get that man out of her system once and for all.

You still have so much frustration with her and it is showing when you talk to her. I understand it. I don't blame you for feeling that way......but I don't think it will draw her back into your arms.

I think it might have been 25 Yrs who said something about you talking like a parent to her....and I'll be the first to say there are times a man has to use his voice of authority with a WAW, but I am going to take this from a different angle. Stop sounding & acting like her H. I don't know if you can do that without being away from her long enough to get some of these issues settled in yourself. I know you said you have forgiven her, but sweetie if you still tend to bring it up in conversations (i.e. the OM), then it is like a sore where you keep picking the scab. Yes, you have every reason to feel what you do, but I am moving past that and saying what I think may work.

She needs to stop thinking about you in the way she does. It really irked me when she said she would have had you arrested! And, what in the h#ll does she have to be scared about? I don't get it unless she has been so influenced by OM or other sources. She may not know who "she" is any longer...but she should know who you are! Anyway....I was going to move ahead with what may work.

She still thinks of you as being the bad guy in this stitch and until she stops that nonsense and starts desiring you....nothing is going to be like you want it to be. And, she isn't going to be attracted as long as you are pressing her. So, with that in mind, read over you last post and tell me if that sounds like a man who she would see as somebody she wanted to date? Would a lover talk to her that way? I know....the father of her children may, but you need to try to stop that and do a 180 and think of her as a woman who is not your W or even the mother of your children. Hard job, but you are the man for the job, Mr. Bond!

After you have been out of her way for a while and given yourself some distance, then you can approach her slowly and with a different attitude. You can turn on the charm and flirt with her. I don't think you can right now b/c you can't seem to help yourself from applying pressure to her. You contact her, send her emails, buy things for her, and spend way too much time with her. You are inviting her to spend time with you (and of course the girls) and you know that is pursuing.....and even a test, many times (like to see if she would miss OM's party and choose you over him).

If this was you posting to a newcomer (or an oldtimer) you would tear them up for doing these things you've done. (Hey, I raised you right... what can I say cool). The only reason I haven't is b/c I have a soft place in my heart for you, but that doesn't do you any good, does it?

You need a new R with her.....but she still thinks of it as the old one. I kind of think you do too b/c you can't get away from it. Even though you really tried to convince yourself that you were moving forward and perhaps have a new love interest, you couldn't turn lose....and that is b/c you still love her. You have placed all bets on this, and I don't want to see you lose it. She has to see you differently, and dating didn't work and I think it was b/c she could see your feelings were still for her....not OW.

I haven't changed my mind about her screwed up hormones and her depression. I know if she were to get that straighten out she would be a different person, but in the meantime......revamp and start a new R with her.

Can you be around her without bringing up the past? Can you stop acting like you are M to her? I bet you didn't treat your friend the way you do your W (you know what I mean).

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!