The one thing you might try and keep in mind is failure is not always so cut and dry.
You are trying to improve yourself and heal your marriage. Isn't failure not trying at all? Since you are trying then you are not failing. It may not have the outcome you desire but that doesn't necessarily mean you failed.
Think of it this way. Say your child studied for weeks and weeks for an exam. You helped him/her. You knew in your heart your child did the best they could while studying and was dedicated to the process but they still failed the exam. Would that be a failure if they knew they put all they had in studying?
Or flip it around. Lets say your child took an exam and didn't study. Instead of studying the fooled around and never put any effort in THEN they failed the exam. Now you can be angry because there was no effort.
There is a quote (maybe here or maybe I read it elsewhere, I can't recall) that basically says you only fail when you do not try.
What you also have to remember is your H gave himself the luxury of detaching from you all the while you were living with him pre-bomb. He made sure he was comfortable and okay and things were done on his timeline before he said a word. Now you are being forced to not only accept all this but "detach on command" and it is NOT easy. I think that is the one time I had the urge to just haul off and slap my husband across the face as hard as I could... when he looked me dead in the eye and told me he had been thinking about this FOR MONTHS and made sure he was okay before he left. It is MUCH easier to detach when your safety net is in the next room. Not so much when you are abruptly left.
You do not deserve to suffer. You do deserve to be happy.
