DU, I'm sorry, but you now need to toughen up just a wee bit for tomorrow. So, the man wants to come over, well...let him. Why don't you have someone come over for a nice little visit while he's there? Also, you need to be home when he's doing that inventory. Take photos of everything so that you have proof that the item was still in the home at the time he paid you a visit.
I hate to say this, but you can't put his visit/inventory off much longer...he's got a one track mind and until he's gotten this out of the way, he'll keep talking about it. The one thing you will need to do and that is to look at this as a business deal, put your heart in the closest while he's there. Try to think of this as the American Road Show for estimates on goods. Get your clip board out and be ready to roll w/him. Do not allow him to bully you. This will be difficult, but you have got to stay strong...cry after he's gone, but not while he's there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I want to call the OW. Need someone to stop me if you think this a bad idea. I am tried of him lying. After all that I have done and been in this relationship. This is BS! And I can't believe that I am the one wanting this to work out when he has done nothing but lie and deceive. I have all of the emails between him and this other woman exchanged at work (BIG NO NO for Government). Very tantalizing emails. I am sooo very angry right now. I feel like passing them onto his human resource shop. Why not? He is not coming back to me anyway.
Maybe then, he will wake up.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
DU....Stop! What good will come of it? Maybe short term vindictive evil happiness.....and in the long run....many bridges burned that will never be recrossed.
Take the emails...print them out....put them in a folder and tape it closed. Maybe someday you will have a use for them, but right now they represent nothing more than pain....pain for you that is. Almost like holding your arm over a lighter....you are the one causing the pain to happen...not the lighter.
Now stop this talk of wanting it to work out......Start working on you. All the rest is rubbish until you do that.
Two wrongs do not make a right....DU, you are the better person here. You have the upper hand right now...print the darn emails, documents, etc. out and file them in a very, very safe place. You just never know when you may need to play poker and have this ace up your sleeve.
He will wake up when he's ready and on his on time clock...not yours. Start focusing on what you need to do for yourself, both mentally, physically, emotionally and financially. You do not know what the future holds for you. Allow God to do what he needs to do to heal you both.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
How do I detach when he is attempting to get me to participate in his D. I have no power to stop him. He is the one calling and saying he wants to walk through the house and divide everything. How can he do this? I feel as though he will NEVER awaken and that why I don' think he is coming back or will find his way back. I was dark and even today, I was pleasant and calm when I spoke to him. I feel that he had a plan and he is executing it and it is working to his advantage.
Maybe I am allowing it to affect me... yes, I am, but I feel sucker punched by the H who cheated on me. This whole "MLC episode" is selfish, condescending, and idiotic. I am venting..I know, but I just want him to STOP!!
I can't even be here tomorrow as I have to work. I will have to take pictures of everything before leaving for work. I am going to send him a text telling him that I prefer that he not stop by when someone is not at home.
Any more advice?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
According to him, he is still being deployed in April (not sure if I believe this), so he wants to get "this separation thing" taken care of before leaving. I feel like time is NOT on my side.
He is also probably telling his family that he justs wants to be happy but not saying anything to them about his EA/PA. He wouldn't say anything about that because then he would have to respond to their reaction - he would then have to face the fact that he cheated and that it was selfish.
I have been focusing on me, but he says he is "doing what is best for both of us..." For who?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I really need advice. I have been in a tailspin since earlier today when my H called to say that he was no longer my H.
This cut into me like knife (I felt). I have been praying and asking God for strength and to open both of our hearts. I have been so hurt that yes, I wanted to send that info to HR, but I know it would surely end any possible of hope of reconciliation.
H does not want to see me or be anywhere around me. In his phone message, he also said that he needs to look out for himself because he has felt trapped in our R prior to leaving. How? I have alwys been open to anything he wanted to do. I have been a supportive W.
Another thing I have noticed is that his family has never called me since this all happened and we were close. Seems strange. So I wonder what he has told or said to his family....
I am hurt and need some advice.
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Ok...you can't be there...can you tell him that tomorrow is not convenient for you? IF you want to be there when he is doing that then tell when would be a good time for you!
DU-there is nothing you can do to stop this. IF this is what he wants, it only takes one person wanting out of the marraige to get a divorce. But...I have read several stories where the D has happened and the people end up getting married again down the road. Your H wants a seperation...who knows, after being deployed, he may have a change of heart.
Think before you contact OW...she may not stick around for your H to get back...don't worry about her...she is just a bandaid! At least follow the advice and wait before you do anything! Many, many HUGS!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
