FWIW, BF was in his own apt for another three months after we started piecing. That is quick for some sitchs but for us it was equal to the amount of time he was out of the house before piecing.
Is your H and OW working together a deal breaker for you?
When BF wanted to come back to me I told him what I wanted out of a relationship and that I doubted he could provide it. Then it was up to him to say yes, he could provide it, and think of ways to prove that. That way I wasn't making a list and acting like a parole officer checking up on him and he wasn't just complying with my list of demands.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Gritter replied: You shared a lot a couple of posts ago. It sounds like he is having self esteem issues. He's scared Sh*%less. It's funny to you probably because you look at him as so successful and driven and he was the football player, the lawyer, the partner, the beautiful wife every guys dream! right? On the inside though. You said he was depressed and moody etc. There is a deep dark secret in there. He won't tell you about it.
I completely agree with this. I just don't know what it is. I really don't think he was abused. His family and I spoke about this and we do not believe this to be the case AT ALL. His moodiness and irritability have been a trademark of his since adolescence.
I know some ignorant people think that when a H has an A..he isn't getting sex from his wife. This is truly just that- ignorant. The reason I bring this up is because my husband declined sex several times because he felt fat..he didn't feel good about himself (this is exactly what he said). The first time he said that..I was kind of confused.. I think I have heard it 3x throughout our marriage..typically when he wasn't exercising and his weight did get a bit out of control for him. I always thought this was odd to hear from a man.
He definitely has self esteem issues...which he sometimes masks with arrogance or the ol'- put someone else down to make myself feel better.. His childhood friend married my best friend- so I have gotten to learn alot about his behavior while he was growing up. His childhood friend went to college and law school with him..so they are very tight. In high school and college..he could be just a complete (bleep). But by college- he seemed to have matured a bit and his friend didn't feel like punching him in the face once a week. By the time I met him- I only had the privilege of seeing this behavior occassionally. In the past two years..more than I care to admit.
He does blow off people that hurt him in anyway..or if perceives they hurt him. He has only a few close friends. He is not trusting guy which is ironic. But he does love to be adored..and the OW does just that...and I think she has it down to an art.. she has had plenty of practice. Her never being married or in a committed long term relationship..she doesn't get what a real relationship is and just plays the girlfriend role..sending my best representative role.
As we spoke about in an earlier post..he does have some intimacy issues... I do (or did) look at him as so successful etc...but I do see pain in him..something is just not right. GOD I wish I could get inside his head.
Pearlharbor- Is your H and OW working together a deal breaker for you?
I don't believe it would be a deal breaker if my H did a good job of making me feel OK about all this. Don't know if he will..remember my H doesn't feel empathy (according to his therapist)...I don't want to play parole office and give him what I need or want...but his lack of empathy does not allow him to put himself in my position and take the necessary actions and come up with ways that he thinks will make me feel better.
I think I would rule out childhood abuse. When I went on my diatribe about that you had asked me what my W symptoms are. I didn't hear anything in what you told me that pointed to that.
Someone needs to get inside his head cause this ain't going away.
Gritter
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Puppy Dog- Not to be crass, but is the woman a minority? Over 50? Disabled in any way?
She is Puerto Rican.
Gotcha.
I could be wrong, but my hunch is that at least one of her other affairs was with another partner at the firm. Hence their reluctance to crack down on her.
Not that this is the biggest deal in the world..but if you knew my husband.. you would again raise an eyebrow...by the book he is (pre affair)!! I get several letters in the mail today- he got a speeding ticket- over 20 mph. I am guilty of speeding occassionally myself..but I am going to vent here just because I don't want to say these things to him...especially because it is on the way to/from OW apartment?? 1) I am so glad that your life without me has provided you with an opportunity to appear in court as a defendant 2) I am glad that your life with the OW has provided you with the opportunity to meet local law enforcement 3) I am glad that you have continued your reckless behavior outside of our marriage LOSER!!!
