Newly Separated and Heartbroken

[Drew]

I just got into the habit of thinking that everything is going to be okay.

Everything IS going to be OK. It might not be how you pictured it, but it WILL be OK.

[flowmom]

Oh, ALJ, I really feel for you. My children are similar ages to yours and my heart breaks for them every day. I'm back to the really high anxiety stage too...

I'm glad to hear that you're going to re-read DR. Sometimes we need to get back on track. Maybe write down what your plan is. You might want to read mb28's thread...she is getting a lot of advice on how to deal with her H's A, though not all is what MWD suggests in DR.

[ALJ]

Thank you Drew for your encouraging words. It is very hard to come to the realization that things might not turn out the way that I want them to in the end. I just have to come to the terms that one day, I will be ok. Just never thought this would happen to me but reality has a painful way of jolting you out of your dulled senses.

Flowmom, I am sorry to hear that your high anxiety stage has returned also. It is beginning to affect my sleep where my heart starts to beat really fast when I lay down and I feel like I am losing my breath. I really wish that our children didn't have to go through this, or any children for that matter. I just don't believe that eventually they will get over it. I do my best to keep a serene environment at home while at the same time allowing them to express their feelings. They don't know about our separation. H didn't think they would understand. They think he is just away for long periods of time at work and will one day return.

I have not heard from H since he sent me his apology text on Monday. This is normal as we only text each other when it involves the kids, bills, or trivial matters. I talked to my MIL who told me that H gave her the website address to his kids clothing line and told her she could start telling people about it . She says she went there and told him that the site was nice and the kids look great. She also asked him who the girl was in the picture next to his picture. This girl is the OW who is supposedly the co-owner of the company. MIL knows this already because I told her but H does not that I told her. I guess this is H's way of exposing his EA because once folks see her picture, they are going to ask also.

My question is do I go dim and just let him talk to the kids when he calls or do I just keep a upbeat attitude with him when he calls like everything is fine and dandy without him? H has not been back to visit since December 30 and when he does come back to see the kids I really don't know how to go about acting around him, given this new development. All during this separation, H did not cake eat when it came to me when he visited. He seemed to avoid physical contact like the plague. Just gave me a hug and a peck on the lips on his initial arrival. Should I just accept the hug and not a kiss? Who knows, now that I know there is OW, H might not initiate this anymore. I want to have a plan in place on how to deal with him without letting my emotions get in the way, which is hard sometimes. Any advice, anyone?