WAH in MLC with PA

[cat04]

Very good DG...

[DiamondGirl]

The plot thickens.. merely noting something, not obsessing over the fact...

Just received a text from SIL phone from H asking about a financial transaction... Seems H is no longer in MA since SIL just came home from a business trip in our country..

I'm not responding to it.. I think it's a baiting since we discussed that transaction during the blowout..

But it's interesting that he cut his trip REALLY short since he was supposed to be back on the coming Sunday... Wonder why? (But not thinking about it too much)

Anyhow... Back to planning for S13's March break...

[DiamondGirl]

Thanks for the support everyone.. You all are awesome!

[flowmom]

I'm glad that things seem to be calmed down a bit. It sounds like the boundary that you set "worked" in terms of sending a clear message to your H.

I don't want this to be taken as me blaming the victim in any way and I'm not saying that you did anything wrong in the conversations preceding the death threats. But I just want to share that I would never say or do anything that might look like I was depriving H of access to his children. That would be a huge trigger for him and I would expect fireworks if I did that. I encourage to you set boundaries and enforce agreements with him regarding custody, but to be sensitive of your H's reactivity around this issue. I say this not for your H's benefit, but for the well-being of you and your children.

I'm really hoping that this post comes off as I intend it...

[DiamondGirl]

I absolutely understand what you are saying Flowmom.. not taken the wrong way at all... I'd already decided that if things calmed down and didn't escalate, I'd let them be as was before re: visitation, open to him taking them during the week (though he has never asked for them even once).. me not contacting him at all... Replying to only what is necessary in the briefest of terms...

The furor was caused by SIL texting him an unclear version of our conversation, and he wouldn't hear what I was really trying to communicate (gee what a surprise).. so second thing I learned which had been told to me before.. Stop talking to SIL!!

He isn't a bad father by any means... just can't co-parent with him or talk to him right now...

[DiamondGirl]

Also, what I did wrong in the conversations.. was having them to begin with! As soon as I hung up on him the first time, I should have just not answered again...

[Drew]

Your last two posts are EXACTLY what I was trying to get you to see yesterday, but you were too upset at that point.

Well done, DG, well done.

[flowmom]

Ending conversations when needed and not talking to SIL: good plans DG! Every time you stick to those plans you are taking care of yourself. When dealing with H's family, I am very careful because I consider it "enemy camp" even if they are being warm to me because I know what I say will get back to H, and not necessarily accurately.

[courageous wife]

I am glad that things have calmed down!!!

[DiamondGirl]

Tiring weekend... worked all Saturday.. Took the kids out on Sunday..

My mind keeps sneaking back to him coming home early. I know in the grand picture OW is just the symptom and actually delays Replay, but now that I've ticked off my spy (SIL) I have no way of knowing what happened when the officer called and how H ended up home early... I wish I was a fly on the wall that night...

Long story as to why SIL is mad at me, but the basics is that H took money out of an account he shouldn't have so I took it back out of the other joint account where he had put money in, to prevent something from bouncing, but it bounced something of H's. She's mad because now he's "forcing" her to give him the money to cover the bounced cheques because he spent his pay going to see OW.

I merely told her that her financial arrangements with H are not my concern or problem. That he knew I had bills coming out of the account he took money out of, and he shouldn't have touched it as he had not contributed anything to it..

Either OW told H to go home and deal with problems and they're still an item, or she got upset with the threat and sent him home.. but he'll probably pursue..

GAL... GAL.. GAL...