Hi Aver! What a weekend! My computer at home is SO slow, & I haven't been in the office since Fri. Learned my uncle died on Thurs. (he was ill, and elderly) but the weekend was a tizzy of relatives coming in, the wake & funeral were in a city about 45 mins. away, taking much of Sun. & Monday And I had a work event on Mon., so went there early, drove down to the funeral, etc.
Anyway, I just haven't had a minute, but have now caught up.
Aver, what is this "The Word"? Did I read too fast & miss your explanation? I'll try googling it, just curious. Are you still seeing the C, you liked her right?
Re: Your news flash, unbelievable! Well, X is truly a yellow dog. And very irresponsible to boot! Guess that's no surprise to you. I'm repeating myself here but you're showing yourself to be a classy person of integrity, under difficult conditions that are not of YOUR causing. You can be proud of that. X is totally wimping out. You may just have a shot at keeping the house given his cowardly behavior.
Great job on the meeting, glad it went well. You had a plan, & sounds like it went well. It's normal to wonder, but who cares why X didnt' bring OW? It's kind of like with my H, I wonder why does he have to move in April?? But then I think, so not my problem! (to be honest I'm a little worried he'll move in apt. before I move out of house. But that's a subject for my thread). Really, when we wonder these things we are wasting our time. Who knows why they've done any of the bizarre and hurtful things they've done to us? It's best to try not to think about it.
So your ultimatum from X has passed, any new developments on that? The whole finding new living arrangements-thing is definitely not fun for me - though my sister is working her network of friends & mentioned to my cousins that I am looking to move back to their side of town. It seems a number of people, some I know from years ago, own rental property in the area & they are spreading the word. So we can support each other through the whole house-fight (you) & house-flight (me). Hope today is going well, you sound on the upswing, keep it going. I'll check back soon. ((((Aver))))
Last edited by LookingFrAnswers; 03/02/1008:12 PM. Reason: added word
Aver, glad the meeting went well. Every little victory...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
It's THE WORK, not WORD. I think Flowmom clued me in? Totally go google it. I think the damn thing is working.
Yesterday I had to email a friend who said: see you at town meeting! Will X be presenting such and such?
And instead of writing my usual "story": X left me for another woman in August.
I chose to write: "X made the choice to be with another woman." and then some bitter venomous spewing, but the point is the WORK is helping me to re-frame my "story" my "truth" my "interpretation".
You can call in and have someone talk you through it without paying for private facilitation, but I found it enormously helpful.
I am back with my first C, I like her very much, but will try the new Buddhist-mindfullness C when she returns in April.
The annoying thing is how much energy I spent prepping for the darn confrontation (yes, Pearl, I spend too much energy on THEM--I'm working on it!) and it didn't happen. So the boogyman is still lurking out there, darn it.
The good thing is that my "escort" and I did have a good time. Quite possible that a little fling might happen. Just a little one. Boost my ego.
Re our "house fights/flights." I got an extension on X's Feb.28th deadline (wanted not to have the fight engaged before town meeting) I just wrote and said: I will have an answer for you by early next week. (meaning now)
He just wrote back: OK. Thx.--X.
So now I have to write the: I will buy YOU out note. I guess I should write it tonight when I can have a drink (yes, sorry, I am using alcohol as a crutch) and then prepare to read his response on Thursday. Can't have a drink on Wed. because it is rescue night.
I also figured out to have emails from him sent directly to a folder, so I can peek and see if he has written when I am ready to deal with it--not just see his name pop up in the middle of work. Duh, that took awhile to think of.
I'm SO with you on the fear of my X, your X, moving to the apt before you or I move out. Yup. Mine would do it to be an a**hole--would yours do it just for economics?
I'll go over to your thread now to see your update. Sorry you had such a rough week with your uncle passing and work stuff.
The die is cast. A 23 year friendship dies in the ashes of $, property, things, deceit, sorrow. May god guide me to make decisions based on the good, on love, hope, and forgiveness. Not bitterness, anger, vengeance.
X--
Thank you for your offer to buy out my interest in the house. I, too, would like to be the final owner of the house and am willing to buy you out.
I believe your equity calculation based on last year's appraisal is not totally accurate. That appraisal found a market value of $xxx. If we use that appraisal, the equity calculation would look like this:
Value spring 2009: $xxx
Mortgage Principal (current): $yyyy
Home Equity Loan (current) $zzz
Balance: $aaa
If we were to use these calculations, without taking into account other factors, half of the equity would be $bbb I am offering to pay you this amount in exchange for your interest in the house.
I expect we can reach an agreement on division of joint household items, and can be flexible about closing/moving dates.
GOOOO AVVERR!!!!! GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! ((((((((((AVER))))))))))))
Nice Letter!!! I can't wait to see what happens!!
You are doing GREAT!! I think the town meeting went well - you DID over prepare but now you can learn from that and NOT do it next time. Experience is the best teacher!
I think you are seeing something distinct... H doesn't have the bravado you seem to think he does. He's backing down... in more than one area! WIN for you! I hope you feel some personal power in this!
Proud of you!!
T
ME28,WAH30, M 5YRS, T 7YRS ,OW/ILYBNILY/SEP 9/09 Served with D papers 6/6/10 Current
I think that was an excellent email. If you have to have a drink to send it, so be it. I've been on ADs since Sept. We all need a little help now & then!
I am not a religious person but I find comfort in the thought of turning something like this over to God's, or a higher power's hands. You've done your very best, just as in your little prayer above. Which I love. That is what I'm aiming for too, with the S agrmt. Based on the best for you, done in fairness.
I understand how you feel watching your R die as you say in this mess of legal & emotional turmoil. Remember Aver, this is not of your doing. You didn't have a choice in deciding to end the R, but you chose how to deal with your situation. You are doing your very best, acting with integrity, doing what your heart is telling you (@ the house). Keep strong. Sending hugs your way.
Last edited by LookingFrAnswers; 03/04/1012:57 AM.
Wow, I think I will have to repeat to myself what I said about God guiding me...it actually sounded good.
I did print out chatterbug's post about his life moving forward. Will post it on my fridge.
Tal and all--I don't want to WIN. I don't want the theatre fiasco to be a WIN for me, or town meeting, or the house. I don't want it to be a battle. Maybe I am still shuddering from X's anger back in October: "you WON! I wanted to be in the house!" The HORROR of struggling to just fricking survive everyday, and he saw me as having a VICTORY because he did the right human moral thing and moved out. I still want to throw up when I remember the total flabbergasted punch in the stomach feeling that statement caused.
So--I want to take care of myself. I want things to be equitable and fair and right in the grand scheme of things. I don't know what that looks like yet. Right now I feel a huge responsibility to make this little theatre show go well, because it is NOT right that the production suffers because of X and my little drama. So I will focus on that.
And, of course, sweat bullets awaiting X's reply to my reply.
And maybe have a "date" with my town meeting escort, K?
