Avoiding the doormat - need advice

[cyclone]

Thanks everyone for the opinions. Lots to think about.

I have really reflected on this and what my real motives are. Jack, you always have an insightful question to the questions posed here.

I don't think I'm a Scroogie McScgrooge. I suppose there could be a fine line between being a miser and financially responsible. I have spent the past 13 years making ends meet without having a household budget. I am not Moneybags McMoneybags either and have had to make some choices about spending money. There is only so much to go around. W has been free to spend as she saw fit - until recently, she had pretty good judgement. Now she likes to spend money on things she feels she deserves - lots of clothes, eats out all the time, organic groceries, rent for the room she is keeping outside the house, etc. It has become increasingly difficult to keep the finances afloat and we are now starting to accumulate credit card debt.

So the car...I'm not stopping her from getting a new one. I just don't want to co-sign on the loan. If she chooses to get a loan and we D, I'll still be responsible for half that debt. If I co-sign, however, and we D, if she can't make payments the creditor comes after me. So I might be responsible for all of that debt if I co-sign. Any agreement that the two of us make about it doesn't hold any water with the creditor if I co-sign. I'm just trying to keep control of my own financial future and avoid my credit going down the tubes or worse, bankruptcy.

The car is still safe to drive, it just won't pass smog as it is. The bottom line is W wants a new car. It's just really hard to take the verbal abuse and anger over these things. She pulls out the D card everytime she doesn't get her way and accuses me of being adversarial. I'm no longer afraid of the D. It won't define me as a person.

The latest bit she has been spewing is that I never tried to make things work between us. I didn't chase her to let her know that I really wanted to make it work. I think I've heard from others that they have heard this, too.

The past couple of weeks have been really tough because her memory loss about things is really intense. I hadn't seen that before. Example: She dropped the bomb in mid Aug. Stopped wearing her rings and said she wanted a D. Yesterday, she said she stopped wearing the rings in Nov. and she can't remember when she first felt that she wanted to D; thinks it could be a couple of days ago or maybe Christmas.

Crazy.

Where's the popcorn?