Haven't really done that. I've got so many balls up in the air it seems right now - I am kind of in a "survive each day" mode. Pretty high level - but its literally where I am. I have constant to-do lists - paint the new apartment, continue cleaning up house and filing important stuff, disposing of others. I should do what you are suggesting for sure though. I can honestly say again here that signing the LS papers and moving into apartment just days apart - really was a huge emotional low for me - as prepared as I tried to be. So - really just trying to keep myself together and be positive, which is hard. Maybe when I'm feeling a bit better about things, I will be ready to start on establishing those goals. I have my 12 survival steps to continually remind me to stay strong staring at me at eye level at my desk, and copy of them in my pocket. Guess I just in a bit of an adjustment period now after moving out......
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Had to work from home today because of snow here in NY today. End up I am in the same room as my W - on different PC. It hurts to be with her knowing the wall between us, and hurts to be away from her when I am in apartment. Really sucks but it is what it is........
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Do a 180, what would she expect you to do right now. Be pissed off right, for all the crap she's done. What is the 180 here? Be nice, you go to the kitchen for a drink, offer to get her something. Use your imagination, you have been out of the house for a week or two and you have this opportunity!!!!
Tom, hate to say this, suck it up man!!! I know it hurts and she may be on the computer to the OM, who cares, you are with her now and need to make the time count. I am going to lunch will be back in an hour to check in.
Hang in there!!! This is a good thing, I know the hurt and pain you are experiencing, they are indicators that you still care about this woman. 180's and act-as-if.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
No - dont worry - no offense taken. Couldn't get online this weekend - no internet in my new apartment yet. We did talk a bit together nicely on Fri when together - but then had a bit of a fight Friday night when we were talking and in a matter of minutes her blackberry and laptop messages overtook it and I sat and watched her go off into the electronic world and just like that - our conversation ended. It's going to be a tough long road - I know. Spent time with daughters this weekend - its really hard to be away from them too. A lot to write about - just cant do it right now so I'll have to try to get on here tomorrow at work - wanted to check in and let you know i'm still alive. One thing she did admit last night - she is "happier" now that I am out of the house - crushing blow but I did suck it up and take it home with me. Anyway - more tomorrow....
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Maybe I'm missing something here, but why exactly did you move out aside from just giving her what she wants and possibly allowing her to break all sorts of marital boundaries in the comfort of YOUR home?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I guess every sitch is different and has its own circumstances. She had LS papers drawn up and we agreed on the terms - she wanted an LS very badly. LS says we have to live seperate and apart - and sitch with my 23 yr old son not getting along with W or my girls, it became a solution to solve a handful of problems. Our house is up for sale anyway - so we'd be getting two places after the sale. I stayed in the house since October -and things were getting increasingly edgey. Yes - she ended up getting what she wanted - LS and me out - but - I think there is something to be said about letting that caged animal out and setting it free. If it leaves - it was never meant to be with you - if it comes back - you know you have true love and friendship. In the meantime, I'll adjust to new living arrangement - work on myself and my 180 - and see what happens. So - I don't know if I was right or wrong - and maybe there is no right or wrong. Fact is I am out of the house living with my 23 yr old son in apartment and newly seperated. It hurts like hell - but it is what it is.
Me: 48 W: 47 M: 25 years T: 30 years S24, D21, D11 Bomb dropped: "Not in love with you" 10/09 Separated Feb 2010
Tom, Glad to hear you are okay, I think you will find as the Separation goes on the tension will ease between you and your W and eventually you will be able to communicate better with her. Bad news is this takes time probably months, reality is weeks will go by w/o much change.
My mistakes during this time was not letting go and trying to continue to control her. I also knew way too much about what she was doing which in turn drove what I was doing which was pushing her further away.
It is just now that I feel her stop moving away. She is at a standstill, looking around for where to go next.
Do not do or say things that will keep her running from you, she will eventually turn and look over her shoulder to see if you are there, don't be there. Hard to do, this is the whole point of GAL, busy yourself with you. When you do interact with her, nice and polite and smiles. There will be challenges ahead, she will test you and throw stuff in your face, do not react!! This will take time for you and for her.
NY, you have to be separated 18 months before anyone can file right? That is a long time.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Tom, Glad to hear you are okay, I think you will find as the Separation goes on the tension will ease between you and your W and eventually you will be able to communicate better with her. Bad news is this takes time probably months, reality is weeks will go by w/o much change.
I will agree with this. My W and I have been separated for nearly 18 months now. If not for this separation; I do not think we would have EVER been able to communicate like we do now. I had to learn how to be an independent person and her likewise. Mind you, we are not back together but we are headed that way slowly. It's been a little back and forth; but it seems to be processing that way.
