i do have an appointment with an IC on friday. so hopefully talking to her on friday and then leaving for my trip on saturday will help me find some clarity and really examine what it is that i want...i have a whole week to think before returning to the real world of work and responsibility, and i'm thinking i may have to squeeze my yoga mat into my carry on.
i do try to offer him support when i can. in his texts last night, he did also thank me for my kind words and support. i guess i'm just wondering why i'm feeling empathetic towards someone i should be angry at right now. his choice turned my world upside down and here he is a few weeks later, reaching out to me - i could certainly turn him away, and i know many other people in my life who have no problem turning their backs on him, but i can't. and i don't understand why. maybe this is something to discuss with my IC.
where was he for me to reach out to when i was hurting and crying and in a bad place a few weeks ago? he was gone, he moved out, i was on my own, i did not have him to lean on. but now he needs to lean on me and i'm there for him...maybe not in the way he needs me to be, but i at least respond in a kind and supportive way. this has always been a problem for me, i can't express anger. i can't lash out and say mean things and tell him exactly where i think he can go. i don't even feel those things, though. i'm just thinking there must be something wrong with me if i'm not even wanting to lash out and be angry.
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
