OTM- i think you're right, life IS full of risks, i think i am more terrified of the first happening, that we'd reconcile and things would be great for a while, only to wind up back at this point later down the road (with a lot more at stake like family, house, etc.). for me right now, the idea of a new H or R with someone else doesn't really seem very exciting, and like you said, there's no guarantee i wouldn't have equally challenging problems in any future relationships.
my H texted me last night about how unhappy he was and how he wished he could take away the hurt he'd caused me. he also said he wished he was more "normal" and knew how he "should act" to be a better and more balanced man. i didn't know how to reply to that and i told him as much. again i know he was probably looking for some ENs to be met by me assuring him he was not a bad person, but i didn't do that. just said that normal was different for everyone and that only what we do moving forward counts.
he sees his IC today...i'm bothered that i am so sad that he's in such a bad emotional/mental place. obviously i love and care for him deeply and don't want to see him hurting but at the same time, this is a consequence of a decision HE made and i'm upset with myself that i'm not more angry. shouldn't i be furious? shouldn't i not give a rat's as$ how he's feeling right now? HE WANTED TO LEAVE. now he's feeling the repercussions and i'm feeling SAD for him?? at what point am i being overly compassionate and not putting my own ENs first? i feel like i am in a way better place than he is - mentally, emotionally, physically, even spiritually...but even still - why am i so worried that he's having such a hard time??
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
